Cheap Thrills
by Varity Sinning
Summary: Mischief and More... Rated M Mature, Adult situations, Angst, Revenge, and More. Revised.
1. Chapter 1 The Beginning

**Cheap Thrills**

**Chapter 1: The Beginning**

-=JKR, may be the Queen, but I'm the Jester=-

* * *

She slips into an alcove. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." Scanning the map, and muttering, "Snape, Snape? Where are you?" Eyes landing on his present location.

Putting the map inside her robes. Hermione rushed to the Charms corridor, through a passage to ground level.

By the stairs she double-checked the map_, mischief managed. _Tucking the map away, then she counted her steps, WHAM. Perfectly poised for the collision, giving her a generous handful. _Yes._ She hadn't expected him to fall on her. Reaching up defensively, gripping his firm chest too. _Bonus. "_Sorry, Professor."


	2. Chapter 2 Eye Full

**-=Good Save the Queen=- -=JKR, immortal queen of the HPCanon=-**

**Cheap Thrills  
**

**Eye Full**

Checking her frowsy hair, she heard it. Echoing off the flagstones, his boots. _He's coming this way. Squee!_

_Breathe._ _Inspired!_ Tucking the back of her skirt into her red satin panties. Grabbed her books, Hermione set off. Walking down the hall, which she hoped was clear. She tripped herself enough so that her books flew in all directions.

Bending over straight-legged, voicing her displeasure, snatching up books. _He'd gotten a good look._

"Ms. Granger, your skirt, needs your attention." Snape hissed.

_It's not the only thing, I bet. _Hoping she looked mortified. Tugging it to rights. _Got a good look Professor?_

_AN/ Special Thanks to Creative Pixie, Indreams520, and Notwritten! _

_AAN/ Don't be afraid to let me know if I'm doing something wrong. Cheers!  
_


	3. Chapter 3 Slytherin When Wet

AN/ Thank you Soo Much GreenEyedRedHead1994, and Notwritten, if you haven't you may want to check out Princely Deeds-it's a parallel story to this one, they intersect at the end of Princely Deeds (it's darker). I hope everyone enjoys this chapter!

-=There once was a woman named Jo,

whose genius and was wit just so,

wrote stories 'bout Harry Potter,

right and good and what he aughta,

grasp you wand firmly and give it a go.=-

-my lame excuse for a limerick.

**Cheap Thrills  
**

**Slytherin When Wet**

First Saturday in October, Gryffindor vs. Slytherin. The Prefects sat front row in the Teachers' box, so they too could enjoy the game.

The uncharacteristically warm wind whipped, the sky loosed a rainy torrent. "Go, Harry!" Leaning on the rail, let her umbrella go; accidentally on purpose. Rain pelted her as she cheered, all dignity_...set aside for later._

Harry snatched the snitch, the box exploded. Ernie and Hermione jumped up and down hugging. "Mr. Macmillian, release Ms. Granger," commanded Snape coldly.

T-shirt plastered revealingly over her gold lace brazier. Disgruntled, she pulled a face.

"Detention," Snape hissed at wandpoint. _Chills._


	4. Chapter 4 All the Right Moves

**-=J.K.R. Uses a feather and I use the whole chicken; maybe that's why she's published.=-**

**All of the Right Moves**

"Talents?"

"Yes Ernie, everyone's got one. I've got loads. Odd stuff, hidden talents." Their words and footsteps echoed off the darkened passage.

Stopping in a spill of light. "All right, here goes." Ernie folded his eyelids back and blinked.

"Hufflepuff," Hermione scoffed.

"Gryffindors. Your turn Head Girl."

Smirks. She sat in the moonlight. Pulled off a shoe. Bending in half, gripping her sock with her teeth and unsheathed her foot wiggling toes triumphantly, sock in mouth.

"Hermione! It's like a crash on the motorway." Ernie wretched.

The shadow in the recess hummed, _strangley compelling. The smarter they are, the worse they are._

_AN/ Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed, you keep me on the job and Constantly Vigilent.  
_


	5. Chapter 5 Unfair Advantage

-=Hip hip hazzzaaa! JKR is Queen, Ruler and Creator of the Harry Potter Universe=-

**Cheap Thrills**

**Unfair Advantage**

"Perfect!" The potion pulsed neon blue. _Didn't smell like much. That wasn't really the point, was it?_ "Here goes." She dabbed it carefully behind her ears and knees, and the underside of her wrists.

_Now for a real test._ Walking down from the dormitory, "Parvati, seen my Runes book?"

"No, Bitch!" Parvati clapped her hand to her mouth. _Territorial Rage. The males should be rutting in no time._

Seamus, Dean. "Runes book? Seen it?" Knocking each other senseless, begging to assist the search. "Run along before you hurt something." Laughing evilly.

AN/ I like laughing evilly, I'll have to do it more often.


	6. Chapter 6 Detention Suspense

-=JKR has her say, here's my two knuts, enjoy.=-

Detention Suspense

The pheromone enhance applied. _Off I get._

The class door clicked shut. "Scrape and scrub under the desks."

"No, magic." She anticipated.

"Indeed." Paper grading resumed.

Cleaning the underbellies of the beasts, all manner of disgusting challenged her.

"Ms. Granger," he stood a bare thirty centimeters away. Gazing up from under the desk.. "Time for your rounds. Tomorrow, you'll finish this."

Hermione levered herself up, showing more leg than was necessary. His nostrils flared. "Sad state of affairs, when the Head Girl gets detention."

Demurely, "yes. Sorry Sir." _Not really._

"Tomorrow then."

AN/As a response to a reviewer who said Hermione had been a little Slytherin in the last chapter, you're spot on.

We've secretly replaced Pride of Gryffindor House with Hermione the Slytherin-lets see if anyone notices!


	7. Chapter 7 Tricks, Treats and Backfires

A/N: Thank you everyone. I could not have asked for better readers. To clear up something perhaps left somewhat vague; Professor Snape was supposed to pick up on the extra pheromones produced by the potion Hermione brewed in chapter 5. As we would expect- the dear Potion's Master has better self-control than Parvati, Dean and Neville.

I think we can chip away at his invulnerable façade. Shall we?

-=J.K.R. Has permanently brightened our world. I hope to brighten your day.=-

Cheap Thrills

Tricks, Treats, and Backfires

* * *

Hermione's watched the viscous slag coalesce, while performing the incantation- Mirabile Dictu Veritus.

Beautiful_, who wouldn't want to hold it?_ The cooling mass glittered slightly.

_Halloween will be great_.

Wrapping the clear oblate spheroid in a hankie, Hermione repaired to the Gryffindor common-room

"Harry, come here, please. Now for your hand," cautiously dropping it into Harry's hand.

"Glad you're here, I was just about to throttle Ron and Neville." _Shut-up Harry._ "Well, they were speculating on girls' panties." _Holy Merlin!_ "I'm not into girls, or their panties." Dropping the stone, he flew like his Firebolt. Each face mirrored Harry's shock.

Neville picked up the stone, "I'd do Harry, he's got a nice bum." Dropping the stone, Neville screamed in terror. Everyone was stunned into immobility.

Uncharacteristically swift, Ron grabbed the hankie, and picked up the stone. Nothing. Seizing her hand, and pressing it to her palm. "It's the trouble-maker's stone. Causes, you to tell inconvenient truths. I don't want to...only a prank." Ron held onto Hermione tightly.

"Seamus get your 'ducter tape'."

"That's duct tape, ass."

"Bad girl, Hermione. Would've gotten us all, I expect. Tisk, tisk." Disarmed, hands bound around the stone. "Lavender, get Hermione's cloak. She's going for a walk."

"I'm going to regret this." She clamped her mouth shut.


	8. Chapter 8 Take Your Medicine

**-=JKR owns Harry Potter & co. Not me.=-**

**Cheap Thrills**

**Take Your Medicine**

Once in the Entry Hall, the accompanying Gryffindors milled around, waiting for Hermione to stick her foot in her mouth. Exercising great care, Hermione kept her mouth and eyes shut, at least until she heard the unmistakable sound of Professor Snape's voice. Terrified, eyes found him in an instant. She knew that Snape notice them, "please, no." She begged Ron to release her, because she knew what would happen. "He's coming over here!"

"Though Gryffindor's aren't known to be brilliant, you all should know that this is not Gryffindor Tower and therefore need to find it." Snape could see, Hermione's self-imposed pain and directed, "what is the matter Ms. Granger, forgotten where your common room is?" Hermione, made no move to respond or open her eyes, merely turned a deep sanguine shade. "Answer me girl."

"Professor," closing eyes. "I fancy you, Sir." Panicked. "Damn you Ron!"

The bewildered Professor levelled a piercing gaze on the suddenly shocked students. "Silencio. Mr. Weasley, undo whatever you've done to Ms. Granger.

Released and demoralized. She couldn't face him.

"Mr. Weasley?" Snape demanded.

"Troublemakers' stone, Sir."

Snape reached out for it.

"Sir, you don't want to touch it." Ron warned.

Levitating it. "I will be speaking to your Head of House, punishment yet to be fixed." Dispassionately, "I didn't know Gryffindors would cannibalize their own."

Once Harry and Neville heard, they were somewhat mollified. By the following day; Harry, Neville and Hermione became quiet a hot-topic.


	9. Chapter 9 WhiteHot Truth

-=I own my computer, 3subject notebook and pen, Jo owns the rest.=-

A/N: This is a little adjunct to chapter 8. Entirely from Snape's perspective.

Cheap Thrills

White Hot-Truth

*

"Professor, I had mentioned my concerns about Ms. Granger. See what you think of it." Handing her the stone.

"As for Ms. Granger, Severus; I'm surprised you haven't taken her to bed yet." Shocked, dropping the stone.

Snape pinked. Rallying gamely, "A Halloween prank. It forces the holder, essentially to spill their guts."

"It's quite powerful, Severus."

"Yes Professor, her own design. I'd hoped that your good offices could come up with a punishment suitable."

Considering. "For now, set her the task of brewing elixir for the Flu season. Leave Mr. Weasley to me."


	10. Chapter 10 1 Exchange, 2 Perspectives

**-=JKR has Severus wrapped around her finger, I am soo jealous.=-**

**A/N: Double drabble for you all. Thank you all for the kind words of encouragment, I can't tell what that means to me. Bon Apetite!**

**Cheap Thrills**

**One Exchange, Two Perspectives**

*****

Draco followed Hermione to the Entry.

"Granger?" He drawled. He invaded her personal space. "Can you be discrete?"

"Malfoy, what are you on about?" Hermione was impatient with his furtive manner.

"I need assistance...the NEWTS." He clarified."Just a few things."

Pleasantly, "Sure, make me a list of topics to address." He kissed her cheek, passing her a note.

_I'm glad the war is over..._ she thought wistfully. The note read: Our Little Secret. I'm not as good as you." She smirked.

**

Hermione left the dining room alone, not rushed. Calmly he chose a detour to follow unseen. _He needed to make sure she wasn't up to anything. Keep telling yourself that._

_Draco? He looks hopeful. He's too close. He wants something. That stuck-up little shit just kissed her. _

Suppressing his rebuke. Draco passed her a note.

_She looks happy about whatever's on the note. I think I'm going to be sick._

* * *

"Ms. Granger," walking toward her looking stony. "Your detention is schedualed to start tonight. You will curb your mischief long enough to brew the Flu Elixer. Furthermore, you need to have your rounds covered tonight.


	11. Chapter 11 Steamy Brew

**-=Ms. Rowling, Rocks the Casbah!=-**

**A/N: Double drabble for you, I have a wonderful case of the plot bunnies (they're breeding).**

**Cheap Thrills**

**Steamy Brew**

*****

The Troublemaker's stone sat invitingly on Snape's desk. "Professor, may I have that back?"

"Ms. Granger, begin the elixir or we'll be here all night." Smirking. "Unless you enjoy my company so much that you can't think of anything better to do," he quipped.

Single-mindedly she set to work, exact and efficient

Coming to the three-quarter mark, "Sir, about the stone; I haven't finished documenting all of its properties."

"Care to hold the it and repeat that?" He hissed silkily. On the pretense of inspecting her work, he approached. "No? Gryffindor courage fail you tonight?"

Angrily rounding on him, she nearly knocked him over. His forefinger brushed her breast. Titan's gaze froze her. "I...uhm."

"I had my doubts whether or not you should undertake such a large task." His tone was baiting, soft and slow. "Can't move a centimeter without bumping and jostling into ev-e-ry-thing in sight."

She knew she had been rumbled. _No matter._ "I take exception to that Sir. You startled me." Returning to her work, stiring.

Leaning close to her. "Did I? Ms. Granger, it's late. I desire nothing so much as getting to bed."

_To bed or to sleep, Mmm?_


	12. Chapter 12 Nosey Men

**_-=Thank you Ms. Rowling for Severus- he is my an Elixir to Induce Euphoria.=-_**

**_Drabble, drabble, words, and babble. The Potions Master with whom I dabble. _**

**Cheap Thrills**

**Nosey Men**

*****

_This wasn't going at all the way she wanted; Snape was supposed to be quietly frustrated. It was very clear he was ready to challenge her. That man, I'll fix him. Ratchet up the competition shall we? Pick a Pawn, any Pawn._

Unstoppering a phial of Pheromone Enhance, she applied judiciously. _It's almost time._

**Draco, Saturday afternoon will be perfect to start. HG.**

Folding the note into an impossibly intricate origami, and tucking it away.

She stomped down to the dungeons, arriving before the bell.

Everyone in their seats. _Snape is probably at the back of the class. S_he passed it unobtrusively.

Unfortunately for Draco was blasted with the Pheromone Enhance, grinned. Note still in hand, Snape came up the isle. "What have we here?" Snape plucked up the note. Draco snarled. "Mr. Malfoy, I'm sorry to inform you; that you will not be meeting Ms. Granger on Saturday." Giving Hermione a filthy look, "will be in detention for passing notes in my class."

Class was a disaster. Any of the male students that so much as passed her a billywig, were subject to Snape's wrath. To cap it; Hermione ruined her potion.

"20 points from Gryffindor."


	13. Chapter 13 Close Encounters

-=The usual boiler-plate- I don't own Harry Potter etc, etc.=-

Cheap Thrills

Close Encounters

*

"In an hour Peeves...got that?" He bounced around the front hall.

_Snape was so predicable._

**

Following Snape out after dinner, "Professor I'm going to change out of my good robes..." She couldn't finish her sentence. Peeves swooped down cackling, sprawling Hermione full-length onto Snape.

Snape's leg between hers, hands on his chest. _Bingo_ pelvises perfectly aligned, wiggle. She pretended to fume fumbling as she rose off the Potion's Master. Achieving more body contact, her face glowed red with her success. Hurling curses at Peeves, who responded with raspberries. "Peeves!"

Hermione gave chase, leaving the accosted Professor alone.

* *

"Thanks, Peeves."

AN/ Thank you to everyone who reviewed my chapters, you're very kind. I'm having a lot of fun writing them.

Hermione's gotten herself in too deep, she's going to find it difficult to muck her way out of it.


	14. Chapter 14 Changing Moves

**-=To the woman who gave us the Half-Blood Prince, we salute you Ms. Rowling.=-**

**-=Additional disclaimer: I also don't own Parker Brothers' Monopoly.=-**

**Cheap Thrills  
**

**Changing Moves**

"Monopoly, Ernie?"

"Sure."

They sat in the Great Hall.

"Monopoly, Professor Flitwick?" Ernie set up the board and bank.

"Yes thank you. Severus, come play. We'll show up these youngsters."

"I'll sit next to you, Ernie." she offered.

"Call your piece." Ernie called, "Iron."

"Boot," Severus.

"Chap on Horseback," smiled Flitwick.

"Car," Hermione claimed.

Around the board a couple of times. Severus' CHANCE card sent him to Jail. After two circuits of the board, he was ready to bargain for Hermione's Get Out of Jail Card. "Good doing business with you Sir." _Brushing her ankle against Severus' calf, her face betraying nothing._

The bank was almost cleared out and all property purchased.

All the assets counted, Ernie and Hermione won. They congratulated each other, Hermione ruffled Ernie's hair.

"Wait. I challenge you to five card stud. Filius you deal. I don't trust these two."

Flitwick dealt the pasteboards.

Hermione won both hands. "Lady Luck must be on my side. Thank you Gentlemen."

"I want a rematch." Snape called to her.

Ernie and Hermione left arm in arm, she swished the back of her skirt merrily.

AN/ The Head boy and girl will be orchestrating some fun on this pitifully dull Christmas Holiday. It will likely be a long chapter.

Last but not least- Thank yous in alphabetical order- Heidi191976, JellyTot-x, Mrscakeakajane, Sleepingbutterfly, sun's and stars, and many more! Thank you, for reading and reviewing.


	15. Chp 15 Sneaky St Nick & her Happy

**-=I do not own Harry Potter, Nada, zip.=-**

**AN/ I'm all of a dither. I hope you all enjoy this chapter, tricky things to look for: Fencing terms, and double entendre. And as always, thoughts are in italics. WARNING: long chapter (for this fic)  
**

**Cheap Thrills**

**-=Sneaky Saint Nick and her Happy Holiday Makers=-**

*****

Hannah and Ernie were in the library when Hermione found them. "I had a brain-flash. You know, create a little excitement."

They looked excited, "don't keep us in suspense." Ernie urged.

"Okay, here goes," hands over list. "These are the names of the witches and wizards of age staying over Holiday. We invite them to a Random Dare Game. So there aren't too many hard feelings, we can make it impartial. We write out all dares to be preformed placing them into a hat. Next we place all the staff names in another hat. First the player pulls a completely random dare, then if the dare requires an unsuspecting victim, I mean participant, then a name is drawn at random. What do you think?"

"Nothing too risqué, I mean no nudity or you know?" Ernie clearing his throat.

"Are there any you object greatly to?" Hermione turned the name list over.

"Not too bad, that one is a little questionable, but I suppose it will be acceptable."

"It's settled then. Spread the word, here you can have the list. Tonight, have everyone come to the Room of Requirement after dinner."

**

Staff and students sat at one table during dinner.

Still bent about the Poker game Snape addressed her at dinner, "Ms. Granger."

Hermione yawned hugely.

"Ms. Granger, you owe Professor Flitwick and I, a rematch."

Letting out another jaw-cracking yawn.

"Ms. Granger, am I boring you?" Snape asked tersely.

"No Professor. I think I'd know if you were boring me." Endeavouring not to smile she urged him on, "Poker? Lady Luck was on my side. Do you think you stand an honest chance, playing Pok'er with me?" Expression only mildly quizzical.

Arching an eyebrow. "So, you won't do me the honour of a friendly hand or two? It seems only sporting that you acquiesce. Call it, best two out of three."

"I'll have to wait until my lucky sweater is cleaned. Then, I suppose I could offer you a chance to be defeated by me. Again." Hermione smiled indulgently.

Snape tapped his teaspoon against his lower lip, "your terms are acceptable. However, I am not superstitious, Ms. Granger. If you feel you must rely on a lucky charm, then I pity your chances against me. I shall beat the pants off of you." Snape raised his goblet to her. _Ms. Granger you are trying to play with me._ She inclined her head graciously. _Professor, you have no idea._

No one had paid them much mind. It was two days to Christmas; meaning there was an upswing in animated conversation.

Thereafter, focusing mostly on her food occasionally she caught Ernie's eye winking. Snape caught sight of Ernie giving a thumbs-up. The Patil twins sat next to Hermione chatting about nothing, they smiled at Hermione looking forward to tonight. Catching Draco's eye, he only sneered. _No Draco then._

Racing through pudding; Ernie, Michael Corner, the Patil twins, and Hannah Abbott, all excused themselves in-turn. Hermione lingered, McGonagall asked her to pull rounds tonight. The head girl accepted the detail.

There weren't many people in the castle, though most of the students present were in the third year. _Likely to get themselves into trouble._

Walking out of the Great Hall. "Granger, when you're ready up the ante let me know. I'll be waiting." Exchanging smiles.

"You got it, Mr. Malfoy."

**

"Settle in everyone, get comfortable. I'm sure Ernie and Hannah let you know that we want to brighten your holiday. Dares, and Victims." Indicating the two hats on the table. "I will warn you now that these hats are enchanted. You will be compelled, (magically if necessary) to complete your dare by noon on New Year's Eve. Does everyone understand? You can back out now, the Dares are Hufflepuff approved, so not too bad then."

No one left. Each looked a little anxious, embarrassed and excited. "Ernie, you want to go first?"

Pulling the dare, "bloody hell. I have to," pulling a name groaning, "hold mistletoe over Trelawney's head and kiss her." He grimaced and shuddered. The others cheered.

Next came Michael, who as it transpired had to ride his broom across the lawn all the way around the castle in his pj's.

Padma, practically jumped out of her skin when it was her turn. The Ravenclaw had to wear fuzzy slippers all the way up until the dare deadline. She sighed audibly with relief.

Her sister approached gingerly. She had to drop a dungbomb outside Flitwick's office.

Hermione eyed Hannah, both of them knew what the remaining dares were. "Hermione, you want to go before me?"

"Okay Hannah, no problem." She reached her hand into the hat; examining the Dare rolling her eyes, "I have to make out with my pillow during a meal." Everyone laughed Ernie nudged her roughly as she sat back down.

That left Hannah to booby-trap the teaspoons.

"Everyone, I've got to go on rounds in an hour. Hannah you might want to nip down to the kitchens and transfigure the teaspoons, so we'll have them at breakfast. Good night and good luck." _I can't wait to see what Malfoy has in mind, bet it'll be real interesting._

**

Grabbing a sweater, Hermione went on her rounds. Through the Charms Corridor, passing the statue of the humpback witch, then through the Trophy Room. _Third Floor done. _

_Now down to the second._ No sounds could be heard as she passed the DADA classroom, all the way to Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. As she rounded the arch and entered the Empty Corridor, a shadow disengaged from the dark. Startled only momentarily, "Professor, fancy running into you here."

"Ms. Granger, I am amazed you didn't run into me. Learned how to operate your feet or were your shoes too small."_Stop Cut_

Not dignifying his last remark. "I meant to check this corridor sir. However, if you've done so I don't feel the need to review it for myself." She smiled pleasantly.

_Lunge _"I have not explored every inch. As it stands I am satisfied that it is in perfect order."

_Parry_ "Excellent. I won't keep you Professor." Turning on her heal, she headed toward the staircase.

_Thrust _"Ms. Granger, I will accompany you. Wouldn't want you to damage yourself on the stairs."

"That won't be necessary, Sir. This is the time of night I could slide down the banister." _Attack au Fer_

He stopped in his tracks, "what?" Thunderstruck.

She laughing at his less than smooth delivery. "I'm teasing you Professor. Though, now that I think about it, there might be some merit to trying. After this year I may not get another chance. Bears consideration at least." Shrugging her shoulders. Walking down the stairs, sliding her hand along the marble surface meaningfully. "Yes, I think so. Not tonight of course, shouldn't want to be thrown in detention, should I Professor?"

"Ms. Granger, your talent for getting into trouble never ceases to amaze me. It seems that detentions have no effect on you. Perhaps, next time I'll employ some other method."

"I dare say you'll come up with something, Sir." At the bottom of the staircase she took a long look up at the Grand Staircase."

"Then at least, Ms. Granger you may consider yourself forewarned."

"Forewarned, is after all forearmed." Wand-tip lit she peeked into several small alcoves. _Nothing._ "I'll make sure I don't have an audience, Sir."

He stiffened only slightly. "Indeed."

"Ernie, where are you coming from?"

"Hermione, Professor Snape. I came from the Dungeons. I finished early with the first floor, and the forth floor so I decided to run a circuit of the bowels. Everything has been silent, not a toe out of line."

Snape addressed Ernie with no little irony. "Mr. Macmillan, how did you find my bowels?"

"Perfect shape Sir. No one there, that shouldn't be." Ernie said casually, though looked astonished as Hermione walked away from them. She held onto the banister shaking, trying to choke back silent laughter.

"Ms. Granger, my bowels are no laughing matter." Dryly he remarked. "If Mr. Macmillan hadn't seen to them, you yourself would be obligated to. Bear in mind Mr. Macmillan didn't have to do your dirty work." Before he could say another word, Hermione fell over laughing, clutching at her ribs. They watched Hermione for a long moment. Ernie was perplexed. "Mr. Macmillan, I'll take care of Ms. Granger, you've earned your rest."

"Yes Sir, thank you. Hermione, ya'lright?" Hermione jerked spasmodically.

"She is fine Mr. Macmillan, check on her in the morning if you need to." Ernie walked down the stairs to the Hufflepuff Dormitories.

"Ms. Granger? Compose yourself." Snape watched her carefully.

She rolled over onto her back, tears streamed from her eyes. She lay there for a moment wiped her eyes, laughter died down. Her eyes glittered, Snape smiled appreciatively. Snape leaned forward to offer her his hand. _She jolted. This was the same spot she had forcibly encountered Snape months ago._ She took Snape's hand, he helped her to her feet.

Laughing nervously, "thank you Professor. I haven't laughed like that in a very long time. Bowels, I ask you." _Professor, I didn't know you had a sense of humour. _

Snape's lips curled into a devious smile. "Ms. Granger, Mr. Macmillan is not your intellectual equal." Realizing he still held her hand, he bowed over it planting a soft kiss on it. "I'm pleased you're amused. You had better go off to bed, before you humour renders you helpless." Letting go of her hand, "good night Ms. Granger."

She blushed, "good night, Professor Snape." Still smiling broadly.


	16. Chapter 16 Breakfast Gone Wild

-**=Disclaimer – I'm not JKR. So I'm broke.=-**

**AN/ Thank you for the reviews. I hope you are sufficiently entertained. Sorry I went a couple words over my alotted 200.**

**Cheap Thrills**

**Breakfast Gone Wild**

*****

Pheromone Enhance on, Hermione grabbed a pillow. _Lights, camera, action._

The staff noticed something amiss. While trying to stir their tea or coffee, the teaspoons went limp.

Hermione pulled the bolster pillow out. Kissed it tentatively, imagined it was Professor Snape. Lips parted, she engaged the pillow.

Snape's mouth gaped dazedly.

Brushing her lips delicately, and flicking her tongue against it. Caressing it gently with her fingertips. Kissing it with ardour. She kept up the show until Draco said. "Granger, I'll stand in for the pillow any day. More tongue, I like it wet. Don't restrict yourself to my lips." Snape's fork fell. Draco said, "morning, noon, or night.

Ignoring Snape she said, "Flattery will avail you nothing. Besides Draco, you didn't even want to play." Smiling impishly.

Snape's rage was absolute.

Ernie walked to Trelawney, "Professor?" Mistletoe aloft, Ernie kissed Trelawney on the lips.

Trelawney announced extravagantly. "You, kissed me in my prophetic dream. I thought it was Severus Snape." Snape snorted tea out through his nose. The spray flew across the table.

Snape and Ernie retreated.

Hannah was going to drop her dungbomb at Flitwick's door. She had already slipped out. "Michael, you?" Michael grinned.

AN/ This was a hard chapter to write because I kept laughing. What do you think, tea and Snape boogies festooning the table?


	17. Chapter 17 Frosty Bites

**-=JKR owns Harry Potter etc. Snape too, damn her.=-**

**Cheap Thrills**

**Frosty Bites**

*****

They followed Michael outside.

In his boxer shorts, he took off at top speed.

He made it around quickly. Once off, he ran inside. "Merlin's gay lover! I think my testicles froze and fell off.

Michael who rubbed his body vigorously, Hermione walked around him waving her wand, using a warming charm. Smiling like he was her prize Hippogriff. "Ms. Granger what is this?"

_Bugger it. "_Professor, I'm trying to heat Michael up." _I should shut up now. _Professor Snape, glaring accusingly at Hermione.

"Strutting around a boy who's less-than-half-dressed. It's unacceptable" He fumed. "My office, Ms. Granger."


	18. Chapter 18 Stiff Refusal

-=Ms. Rowling owes Harry Potter, etc, etc...Not me=-

AN/ I appreciate the reviews here's the chapter I had planned on posting Thursday. I apologize for not sending individual responses. However I put that time to use in writing new chapters. This is going to be a fun year at Hogwarts.

**Cheap Thrills**

**Stiff Refusal**

***  
**

She put the Troublemaker's Stone in her jeans pocket.

The door banged open and slammed shut.

"Ms. Granger, your behaviour..." In his dangerously quiet tone, "put the stone back, now."

"Sir, I have no intention of laying my hand on it. None." Her wand at the ready.

"That's a dangerous magical object. Stand, Ms. Granger."

"You wouldn't!"

"I'm capable of many things." Sneering. "Where?"

"No way."

Conjuring a glove he put his hand inside her cloak, accessing her pockets. Twitching her wand, the glove vanished. "You thought I wouldn't Ms. Granger. Your thighs are very firm." He ripped his hand away. No glove. "Damn you woman!"

Laughing herself silly. "I wonder what's been said, since I had it last."

Snape eyed her dubiously. "Explain."

"Sir, it forces you to reveal, but also retains a record. Useful for interrogations. There should be at least four records. I'm dying to see it work. I'll be going now, Sir. Work to do."

"Petrificus Totalus." Gently lowering her to the floor. "Good show, Hermione." The gloved hand extracted the stone.

Looking mournful. "You're brilliant, you know." _Finite Incantatem._


	19. Chapter 19 The Bells Take Their Toll

~~Dear Ms. Rowling, I love your characters. Thank you, Varity~~

AN/ Next chapters will be double drabbles, if I have time I'll post it before I go to work.

**Cheap Thrills**

**The Bells Take Their Toll**

***  
**

No one had even noticed Padma's slippers.

It was a "party atmosphere" in the Great Hall. Students danced as did the staff.

Draco and Hermione dancing, "this is fun, but it won't suit in the long term. You can see that," brushed his cheek sympathetically.

The song ended. Flirtatious, Draco drew Hermione near. "Maybe, but I can make the most of this."

Hitting him playfully with her clutch.

Severus disciplined himself.

Midnight approached. McGonagall gave a short speech about renewal.

10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1, HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Draco pulled Hermione close for a slow deep kiss.

Hurt was not an emotion Severus would play party to, so he repaired to his quarters.


	20. Chapter 20 Draco Dares

-=Ms. Rowling owns Harry Potter and all characters therein.=-

AN/ Thank you IND520, Notwritten, Creative Pixie, KultaSnape, Mummacass, Ldeetz, SleepingButterfly, MrsCakeakaJane, Sun's and Stars, and Heidi191976, and many others for your the reviews, I hope you like this double drabble.

**Cheap Thrills**

**Draco Dares**

*****

"Wizard's Dare, kids. There are magical consequences for trying to cheat, or back out. So don't even try it. You'll be sorry." Draco announced ominously.

All dares in the hat.

*

Pansey first. "Make a naked snow angel." Raucous laughter erupted.

Hermione, "stand on a desk in the Potions' Classroom until I'm forcibly removed, then say something lewd." Ron bit his knuckles, snickering, The rest joined in the hilarity.

Luna selected hers, smiling delightedly. "Paint a nude self-portrait then display it in the Front Hall. "This'll be such fun."

Harry looked terrified. "Go to Hogsmeade dressed in a pink ballerina costume, with a tiara. If anyone asks, to answer 'I'm a princess.'"

"Harry!" shouted Hermione.

Ron turned whey-faced. "Sing the Beatles, I Wanna Hold Your Hand, to Snape. Ruddy, Hell."

Michael looked pensive. "Wear my underwear on the outside of your clothes all day. Not too bad."

Goyle, "transfigure 'The Clash' band logo on the back of a teacher's robes. Who are they?"

Draco grimaced, "Stand on the bench at dinner, yelling 'I Love You, Harry Potter!' Yell?" Harry turned red.

"One more thing, if no one witnesses it, then you have to regal us with the tale. Go, you troublemakers."

**AN/Troublemakers indeed!**


	21. Chapter 21 Unspoken Things

_-=JKR owns characters, I own the evil plot.=-_

AN/Jelly Tot-x, thanks for the message, sorry about the dry Saturday. I'll also be posting chapter 22 shortly.

**Cheap Thrills**

**Things Unspoken**

*****

Walking to the staircase, Hermione and Draco heard two male voices. "It's past curfew gentlemen, oh it's you Professor. Hey Neville." _Odd pair. On the seventh floor?_

Snape took aim, "Mr. Malfoy, out so late, and far from your common room." Hermione intercepted, answering some perfunctory questions.

Neville and Draco looked suspiciously at Snape and Hermione. Their hackles rose, maybe it was their overly neutral tones. Neville met Draco's eyes, coming to the same conclusion.

"Draco, didn't you hear me? Come on. I'm going down anyway. The bottom floors are mine tonight."

*****

"Night Draco."

"You too, Granger."

Thoughts echoed in her head.

Snape caught up with her. Walking side-by-side. _Say what you want to say._

_Draco, really? _

Hermione eyed two students. "Ten points from Ravenclaw. Go now." _Professor, why are you here?_

_I don't know what I'm doing._

_Say something Professor. Stairs, this aught to do the trick._ Throwing a leg over the banister, she slid down.

"Ms. Granger! What's with you?"

Jolting at the bottom. "War's over, it's time to enjoy life."

"You're a danger to yourself and others."

Climbing down she bumped Snape. "Sorry, Professor." Walking on.

_It's Severus_


	22. Chapter 22 An Angel Takes Flight

*/* The plot is mine, that's about it. JKR owns the characters.*\*

**AN/ I hate turning Ron into a joke, but not enough to refrain from the practice.**

**Cheap Thrills**

**An Angel Takes Flight**

*****

Peeking around the Entrance Hall. Pansy, attired all in white, including a white hat, trudged out into the snowy night. Pansy took everything off except her shoes and hat. Falling backwards into the snow, she swung her arms and legs madly.

Springing to her feet she dressed in a flash.

"Harry, Pansy's carpet matches her drapes."

"What?" Annoyed looking at Ron.

"She's completed her dare."

"Where." Harry tried to locate the naked snow angel in the snow. "So, that's why you've been hanging out the window since Friday night. Congratulations Ron, you've just seen a naked girl."


	23. Chapter 23 Love, Naked Ladies & Secrets

-=If you really believe Harry Potter and co. belong to me, I have a bridge I'd like to sell you.=-

AN/ Working up to the Hermione dare chapter, is proving to be very enjoyable for me. The aforementioned chapter will be a long one, in fact it's already written, but I wanted to save that as the final dare. Some of the dare chapters, (likely most of them) will be double drabbles. One more thing- I want to give a shout-out to Jelly Tot-x, "you crack me up! =)" To everyone your support has meant a lot, keeping you entertained is big on my list.

**Cheap Thrills**

**Love, Naked Ladies, and Secrets**

**~*~**

"Malfoy." Ron summoned him. "When are you doing your dare?"

"Why Weasel-bee, you want to profess your love for Potter?"

"Shut it Malfoy, no. But it would be a good distraction to set my dare up. I think I got the words down."

"Tonight probably. Potter is going to love this."

"If you say so," Ron shifted. Uncomfortable with any bloke saying 'I Love You' to his 'outed' best friend, secretly wondering if Draco had something for Harry after all.

"Weasley, look," Draco pointed to the wall.

"She's done," walking closer. "That was fast!"

Luna's portrait hung next to the doors of the Great Hall. Luna luminous in the picture, waved.

"Weasel king, now you've seen a naked girl, although you can't see her best parts."

"I saw Parkinson last night. She's done hers." Ron thoroughly indignantly.

"I wonder how Hermione is fairing." Draco mumbled.

"No, idea." Harry joined them.

Not looking a Ron or Harry, Draco regretted. "That was the dare I put in, Granger's I mean."

"Bes' not let her find out." Harry offered. "Nice painting, it's even better than the one she had in her room."


	24. Chapter 24 Slytherin Surprise

-=If I was JKR, I'd be getting paid, but I'm not=-

**Cheap Thrills**

**Slytherin Surprise**

*****

Ron waited for Malfoy to do his thing.

The entire Slytherin house table stood on their benches, getting everyone's attention.

"I LOVE YOU, HARRY POTTER!" Harry blushed crimson.

Ron circumnavigated the hall.

Hamming up the performance. Running up to the teachers' table, "This one's for you, Professor Snape. Ron burst into song. Winking at a displeased Snape.

"Filius, is this dark magic?"

"No, Minerva, they're having fun. Quite like a cheering charm."

"I think Severus would disagree."

"Severus should laugh more Minerva."

Ron bowing. Huge applause.

"Can't believe Ronald Weasley trumped you Draco."

"Shut up Pansy."

AN/ Don't know if anyone's kept track, only Harry, Michael, Gregory Goyle, and Hermione (master prankster) are left!


	25. Chapter 25 Crash and Crush

**/The characters in this story aren't mine, the plot is.\**

**AN/ The reviews have been great, I'm tingling. Here's to Severus!=-**

**Cheap Thrills**

**Crash and Crush**

*****

"Goyle, what are you doing?"

Pulling Hermione behind the trophy case. "Waiting for Flitwick to turn." Muttering the charm.

"You great fool, it's The Clash, not The Crash, honestly."

"Have you heard them? Come on."

"It's nearly curfew. You'd better get to your common room."

"Granger, do your dare?"

"No. I'm working on it."

"I hope you do it in Potions." Leering.

* * *

Full moon, illuminating the hall.

"Ms. Granger."

"Professor Snape. Thinking of taking a walk?"

"Rounds, Sir."

"Come to my office, Ms. Granger. Something has come to my attention. Let's talk."

* * *

AN/ Thank you everyone, for your continued interest. I like the Clash, and making pure-bloods get common muggle things wrong (in case you haven't noticed).


	26. Chapter 26 Haze of Gratification

**-=Ms. Rowling, thank you, for permitting us to enjoy your characters in new sick and twisted ways.=-**

**Cheap Thrills**

**Haze of Gratification**

*****

"Sir?" Snape settled behind his desk.

"You submitted an article," tapping the British Elixir Journal.

"Yes, Sir?"

"Congratulations. Quite an accomplishment." looking sour. "Don't let it go to your head."

"Certainly Sir."

"You haven't requested a letter of recommendation."

"May I be candid, Sir?" Snape nods. "You're the best Potions Master anywhere, but you can be a hateful git. I didn't think you'd give me one, so I didn't bother."

"Thank you," leaving his meaning open to interpretation.

Snape stands, steps around his desk. Presents his letter of recommendation.

Dumbfounded, morphed to excitement. "Sir." Wraps arms around his neck, hugging him.

His lungs expanded against hers. Hermione wipes tear. Looks at the letter, takes his hand in sincere thanks.

Brushing her frowzy hair from her face, "You deserve it Hermione. I expect you'll be trying to save the world from itself, soon enough."

Sincerely touched, embraced him, pressing her cheek to his firm chest. "Thank you, Professor." _Warm, so warm._

Touching the back of her hair delicately. _It's Severus._ "Run along, I wouldn't want to ruin my reputation."

Swatting him playfully, she left in a haze of gratification.


	27. Chapter 27 Ominous Aircraft

**-=Just The Facts Ma'am- I'm not JKR, and I don't make money doing this.=-**

**AN/Thank you everyone for the reviews, it's very encouraging. **

**Cheap Thrills**

**Ominous Aircraft**

*****

Hermione, impressed. "Michael, those are fab," touching the black silk boxers. "Don't you think Ginny?"

"Hot." Ginny agreeing heartily.

"They look soft." Harry chimed in.

"Looking at my ass Potter?" Laughing. "Hey, Potter? Hogsmeade, two days away, you ready?"

Trying nonchalant. "Just waiting on my tiara."

The conversation ended abruptly. Extracting the paper aircraft from her hair, opened it. "Meet me in the kitchens."

* * *

"Look, I'll get to it. I don't think you should perform your dare." Looking shifty.

Stunned and curious, waited for Draco to continue. He didn't.

"You made it clear we couldn't back out, etc." Faltering.

"Wait...you want to do this, don't you." Suppressing a sneer.

"It wouldn't be fair, and you know it. What do you know that I don't?"

"Gryffindors. Trust me when I say this, he might be a teacher, but he's a Slytherin first. You can ask Longbottom what he thinks, I know he saw it too. All I'm saying is Snape's been acting sort of strange lately."

"Saw it too?" Draco didn't answer. "Then consider me warned Draco."

"If this backfires, don't get mad at me."

***


	28. Chapter 28 A Harry Situation

**-=I don't want to go to Azkaban, so I won't say I'm JKR, and I won't let you throw money at me.=-**

**AN/ This chapter is NOT A DRABBLE. I went bang-out. Hope you like it all the same. To all you, who read/review, Thank you, I'm all of a dither. If your good, I'll post the Hermione-Dare chapter next, and ten points to the one who can guess the chapter title. Tally-ho!=-**

**Cheap Thrills**

**A Harry Situation**

*****

"Hermione!" Harry called from the boy's dormitory.

"Coming Harry." Hermione covers her mouth. "Harry..." Shiny, pink, and blushing, "You look like strawberry nougat."

"Help. Please." Harry drooped.

"Hmm?...Let's try Baryshnikov." Waving her wand. "Dusty pink maybe, no tutu." Hermione transfigured the rhinestone tiara into a simple Gryffindor Lion circlet. "Very good, and...you're naughty bits are displayed for best advantage."

Peers into the mirror. "Mione, that's much better. I owe you." Pecking her in the cheek, left.

Calling out. "Make sure I get a proper burial, after Snape kills me."

Exiting the portrait hole, Harry runs into Neville. Neville looks closely at Harry, "the leg-warmers, are nice." Neville slid his hand down Harry's side.

"Thanks. Going to Hogsmeade, Neville?"

"I'll go with you, to Hogsmeade." Neville blushed shyly.

Hermione followed them out...

* * *

Draco, walked up to Harry inspecting. "Nice leg-warmers, Potter. Glad I don't have to compete with you for the ladies." Spied the goods in Harry's leotard. "Hermione, let's leave these love-birds alone." Offered his arm, she gladly accepted.

"I want to go in here, you don't have to..." Hermione smiled.

Madam Tart's Tasty Treats

Looking at the lacy panties in the window. "I don't see anything that's strictly edible, but I'd be willing to give it a go." Nudging Hermione.

Unseen, Snape watched them enter the shop, smiling and laughing. _The only thing he was certain of; was that he, Severus Snape would go to Azkaban, if he ever got his hands on Draco. _

_I need a drink, or five._

* * *

Three Broomsticks

"Draco, Hermione, you're late." Harry and Neville grinned at Hermione's flushed countenance. "We got your butter-beers already."

Ginny squealed, "is that a Madam Tart's bag? What did you get?"

Hermione looked pointedly at their male companions.

"These blokes," waving a hand at Harry and Neville. "Don't care what you bought. Draco was with you, so he knows what you got."

"Five points to Gryffindor, for your excellent logic." Hermione chanted.

Through a gauzy fabric partition, Severus watched on, pounding his third fire whisky.

"Oh, alright." Hermione parted the sparkly tissue paper, unveiling low-riding, wizard-fibre, boy-shorts.

"Those are, nice. Ok, what else?" Ginny encouraged.

"...and a matching Camisole. Feel it, so soft. And, my Valentine's Day present to myself." Brandishing an elegantly cut knee-length night-gown. "Scarlet, what do you think? And," grinning, "it has a built in charm to provide aroma-therapy. The scent changes, depending on your mood"

Ginny cackled. "Make Gryffindor proud. How'd you keep that Snake-in-the-Grass off you?"

"Malfoy?" Hermione laughed, "he's a push-over." _Now Professor Snape's a tough customer._

Draco, brushed Hermione's hair back to whisper in her ear.

"No, secrets, you two." Harry demanded.

Hermione positively refused to say.

* * *

"Madam Rosmerta, bring me another. Don't worry I'm not flying tonight" Snape was overly snappish.

"Professor, I think you've had enough already. One more, and Hagrid will have to carry you back to the castle."

"Madam, that's a fine idea. Yes, bring me the bottle. Thanks." Snape meticulously shredded a scrap of parchment, he'd extracted from a pocket.


	29. Chapter 29 Slap and Tickle

**-=I could never get tired of your characters, Ms. Rowling. Thank you so much.=-**

**AN/ Here it is, the one you've been waiting for. It was longer than I expected. **

**Please review I eager to hear your thoughts. Thank you, everyone for reading and especially for reviewing. Just to stave off any confusion, keep in mind- this is Hermione's point of view, as she's telling the story, with occasional interruptions.**

**Cheap Thrills**

**Slap and Tickle**

**Room of Requirement**

*****

Everyone settled into seats. Hermione addressed, "You have to swear not to repeat any of this." They eagerly agreed, just to hear the juicy tale about to be regaled. Hermione performed some quick charm, making everyone glow silver for a moment.

_Deep Breath. _"I tried being Gryffindor brave and Ravenclaw smart. As it was, I was Slytherin crazy." Taking another bottomless breath, she sat down gingerly. "After dinner I hurried down to the Potion's classroom, eager to get the humiliation over with." Glaring a Draco. "Then I'd work out how I'm going to spend my time, after I got suspended."

"The Potions Master was going to be livid once I execute my dare. Harry promised me a proper burial, if things went pear-shaped."

"My knuckles hurt as I rapped stoutly on the door."

"" Enter," _damn, he doesn't sound happy at all._ With a stiffened spine I entered, closed the door firmly. Walking to the middle of the class I stood on the desk."

They made noises of anticipation.

"Professor Snape only looked surprised for a moment. "Ms. Granger, remove yourself from that desk and my presence. Now.""

"Professor, I can't do that." Trying to keep my face calm, was more difficult than exercising full-grown Blast-Ended Skrewts."

""Have you finally had a nervous breakdown? Academic demands drive you mad?" He spat each word derisively."

""No, Sir." I tried to sound firm, while maintaining eye-contact."

"Fifty-points, from Gryffindor, and week's worth of detentions."

"You, have to please yourself, to be sure. Sir."

"Looking completely put-out he stood, strode across the classroom. At this point I raised my arms over my head, standing rigid. "Fifty more points from Gryffindor," he challenged. I felt his breath on my knee."

""I'm not leaving, Sir." He ran his hand up my thigh. I squawked, and swatted his hand."

"He was imperturbable, wrapping his arms around my legs, just above my quaking knees. Well, as soon as he had me off the desk I did it. Whipping my skirt up, putting it over his head. "I really like you under my skirt like that Sir." He froze."

Her recitation ceased.

"Granger," drawled Draco. "You can't say that sort of thing to a man, expecting him to just leave it at that." Tense, Draco tried to grin. "What else happened? Spill it."

"Ok, damn Draco, I should have known you'd want every libidinous detail." Hermione huffed.

"Well, I was kind of expecting him to drop me, or start shouting. To my surprise he did something quite shocking. He licked up my thigh, leaving a bite at the end of the slippery trail."

"There, are you happy Draco, I spilled the beans."Her tone was convincing, her flush was not.

"Go, on Granger, we want every detail." Goyle, backed Draco up in his demand. Albeit for a different reason.

"My mind was in an open state of warfare. I've never had anyone invade my personal space so blatantly. He starts to walk, but he catches me off guard. Jerking hard, propelling me over his shoulder. I could just make out the door, only we were moving away from it."

"Calm as you please, he says, "You've been up to something all year, Ms. Granger. Taking liberties seems to top your priority list of late. I think...I'll have to start taking a more active role in your enjoyable pastime.""

"I tugged at the back of his robes. Unable to gain purchase, let alone string two coherent words together. He stopped at his desk, sat on the edge. "Ms. Granger, you must have needed my attention badly if you were willing to take such an enormous risk." Professor Snape ran his hand up the back of my thigh, over my bum, then he pulled my knickers down and off."

"I was still speechless, the hound tosses my skirt up completely. My ass was hanging out. The arrogant bastard was smirking. Snape said silkily, "I suppose I might thank you for insisting on my taking a break." His hand roamed over my exposed skin. "Maybe, I should give you fifty points back.""

Hermione looked completely mortified.

Pansy was practically salivating. "So, what happened next? You don't look like you've been cattle-trucked, but it's possible I suppose."

"Pansy, that was really crude." Hermione admonished.

"What next..."Pansy insinuated.

"Well, I suppose you could say; he was content to let his fingers do the talking. But...I had a sharp pain and yelped. He says. "Oh, that's how it is, is it?""

""What?" Was the only thing I could come up with. Standing back up, he sets me on his worktable."

Hermione was interrupted.

"...I am never going to look at that classroom the same way again." Pansy, awed.

"Are you going to let me finish so I can put this whole mess out of my mind?" Hermione was losing patience. "Right well. He...um...put his head under my skirt, and gave me a thorough tongue-lashing. Personally I couldn't decide whether I was being punished or rewarded."

Pansy silently saluted her with a thumbs-up.

"Well, he didn't stop, you know...kept at it, until I nearly fell off the work surface. My head was reeling a bit, so I couldn't quiet think clearly. I just kind of lay there while the room stop spinning. I managed to roll over onto my stomach. Attempting to slide off without falling; he stops me, with a hand on my lower back. Whipped my skirt back up, he spanked me. Hurt too, then he kissed the offended cheek and dismissed me.

"Snape, leered. "Ms. Granger," his flush receded."

""Huh?" I know I wasn't really my most brilliant."

""Tomorrow, seven o'clock, my office to start your detentions. Don't be late."Snape hissed."

""But it's Sunday?!" Looking at his smug expression made me want to rage."

"He says to me. "Did you expect me to be lenient, just because you were the best dessert I've ever tasted?" He looked at me pointedly, completely unabashed, and licked his sticky fingers."

""You!" Shocked, and angry as I was, reason had returned."

"Raising an eyebrow, in lewd speculation, "would you like more detentions. I'm sure I can find something...suitable." I wanted to demonstrate my proficiency with rude hand gestures. Unfortunately, I had to settle for a heartfelt scowl."

"He had my knickers in his hand, hissing, "would you like them back?" Then he held them up to his over-large nose, and inhaled. I turned on my heel and exited."

"There, I'm finished, end of story. You got what you wanted, you bunch of depraved lunatics."

"I don't believe you!" Draco challenged.

Indignantly, Hermione got to her feet and stormed over to him.

"You honestly expect us to believe that actually happened." Draco looked up at her, towering over him.

Kicking his shin, she turned to go back to her seat. However, when she did Draco hoisted up the back of her skirt exposing the reddened hand-print. "Professor Snape, you've been a very bad boy." Draco commented with no little admiration.

Hermione lunged at Draco, pinning him to the sofa. "Yes, Granger?" Eyeing her indecently. "Need to release your frustration? I assure you I'm quite willing to accommodate you." But the ever-thunderstruck Harry and Ron pried me off of him. "Of course, I wouldn't want to deprive the Professor of your charms. But I suppose you'll enjoy your detentions. Don't forget I warned you, you can't get mad at me."

"It was your dare, Draco. I can certainly blame you if I want." Her anger being to ebb.

"The Professor likes you," he drawled. "I think you like him too."

~*~

AN/ Review: questions, comments, suggestions. Give it to me baby!


	30. Chapter 30 Carnal Physicality

***-* I don't Harry Potter, or make money from this.*-***

**Cheap Thrills**

**Carnal Physicality**

*****

Snape's Office 7pm

Snape approached Hermione. Caressing her arm with the feather duster. "I require you to dust, no magic."

_He's so close. She needed to tilt the balance of power, but how?_

"Ms. Granger, I shall return." The door shut.

Focusing on the task, she worked doggedly.

"Oh, my goodness." Picking up the Troublemaker's Stone in a hankie.

Hermione turned away from the door. The stone regurgitated it's secrets. She recognized the first three records, _what's this?_ Blushing. 'haven't taken her to bed yet...' _McGonagall?_

Then Snape, "Ms. Granger, I'll deal with you. Turn your end over. Ms. Granger. Granger," A hand clamped down on her shoulder. _Damn_. Snape spun her around. "Ms. Granger," backing her into the wall. Snape pocketed the hankie and stone.

Snape's palms rested against the wall. "You want truth?" He pressed his warm frame against her. Bending to her, he kissed the contours of her face. A blush suffused her face, feeling his carnal physicality.

"Professor Snape?" Hermione's words had struck him viscerally.

Snape stiffened, then sagged. Distinctly awkwardly, he took a seat at his desk. "Go Ms. Granger, your detentions are cancelled."

She retreated quickly.


	31. Chapter 31 Valentine's Surprise pt 1

**-=Thank you JKR, for giving us the artistic license to paint your characters nude.**

**AN/ February, at Hogwarts. Fear not; the forbidding weather will not dampen their spirits. As always, thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement. I post these for you, the readers.**

**Cheap Thrills**

**Volatile Valentines**

**Part One**

* * *

**Valentine's Surprise**

Confound Your Friends,

Befuddle Your Enemies,

Wreak Havoc With Your Teachers.

Mystery Prank Deluxe

For the Modest Price of:

50 Galleons

* * *

"I could use a laugh." The professors had developed a monstrous habit of warning them at every turn about NEWTS. Harry was chafed, _hadn't he help defeat Voldemort?_ He could have been happy to sit on his laurels.

Hermione's the one who'd talked them into coming back. Finishing their seventh year, and _those blasted tests._ Teachers breathing down their necks at all times.

Harry Potter was not happy.


	32. Chapter 32 Volitile Valentines pt 2

**-=If I wanted Snape to bring me Harry's head on a silver platter, he'd be obliged but not in cannon.=-**

**Cheap Thrills**

**Volatile Valentine's Part 2**

*** * ***

"What's up Ron?" Ron thrust a letter onto the table.

"Know who sent this to me?"

Hermione read. "Your hair is the flaming sunrise over the Taj Mahal. Maybe the Patil sisters, they'd probably think it's romantic. Shah Jahan had it built to honour his favourite wife."

With a touch of accusation. "So it wasn't you?"

"Sorry Ron, I got one, too." Pulled it out.

*

You, gold lioness

Sun reflects off your huge mane

Untamed huntress, come

I, snake entwine you

Insinuate around you

Hiss, and lick and bite

*

"That sounds like a Slytherin. Poetry though, seems a little girly if you ask me."

"Thanks Ron." Her anger bubbled.

Nervously, "Mione, it could be a prank."

Ron's words stung. "Yes, cause I'm a 'nagging frowzy headed, know-it-all.' What was I thinking?" Storming from the kitchens.

"Excuse me, Sir." Hermione hurried, more dignified past Snape. Entering an alcove off the Hall she cast Muffliato, and wept unrestrainedly. "I can dream, can't I."

Finding her, Snape removed the charm and listened intently.

Speaking to herself. "Granger, you're too smart. You got three choices; find a pompous ass like Percy, a caveman like McLaggen, or die a virgin spinster."

Snape was sympathetic, _she was very likely right. For a man half as intelligent as Hermione, the experience would be emasculating, and not pleasant for her._


	33. Chapter 33 Volitile Valentines pt 3

-=As always, what you recognize is JKR's, the plot is my sick making.=-

AN/ The name of the adjunct story is called Princely Deeds- look for it, I'm interested to see what you think. Your reviews really make my day. I appreciate each, and every one, if anyone else has questions, regarding something they read, feel free to drop a line.

This is a long chapter, hope you enjoy it. Kisses everyone.

**Cheap Thrills**

**Volatile Valentines Part 3**

*****

Opening her bedroom window an owl delivered a parchment envelope.

Inside there lay a pink silk ribbon, _no note._ It was a quality ribbon. _Who sent it, and why?_

Undressing for bed in front of her mirror, thinking of how Snape warmed up her January.

A delicious shiver rippled through her. Turning in front of the mirror, goose-flesh erupted across her skin. Spotting it; the forked ends of the ribbon touched and teased her, magically dancing smoothly against her skin.

Experimentally getting into bed, not wanting to upset the ribbon. On her back, thighs spread she permitted it complete access.

Once she shuttered exhausted, she grasps the wriggling, moist, aromatic ribbon and donned her nightshirt.

* * *

She woke quite refreshed the next day.

Tying her hair back with the pink ribbon, she went to her Potions. She ignored questions about it, pink ribbons after all weren't her norm.

Smugly she played with the ribbon during the lecture. Snape confiscated the ribbon, angrily pocketing it.

Hermione's potion corked, Snape began the second portion of the lecture. Snape observed her brushing her lips against her finger, parting her lips ever so slightly. Flicking out her tongue, sliding it against her knuckle. Sitting in the front, no one noticed.

Wrapping her lips around the width of her thumb, she closed her eyes. There was a lull in Snape's discourse. Fascinated at Snape's barely disguised reaction, she brushed the feather end of her quill from ankle to mid-thigh.

The difficulty of Snape's physical state forced him to cut class short. "Ms. Granger, remain after class."

Warding the door, Snape walked over to Hermione's desk. The Potions Master pulled the ribbon out. Scenting her heavenly musk he gave her a questioning look.

"It worked very well, it was quite a nice gift." Hermione blushed.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Snape looked pissed and bewildered.

"You sent that to me...didn't you?" Hermione watched in horror as Snape confirmed her fear. "Well, if it wasn't you..."

"What is so special about it?" Looking dubiously at the pink ribbon.

Hermione's blush deepened, in a fearful state the tore the ribbon from his hand. "Thank you." Shoving it into her pocket.

"Ms. Granger, I demand to know what is going on?" He sat on the desk in front of her.

"Professor, I thought you had sent it to me...and wanted...you to know...uhm...how much I enjoyed it. But you...uhm...didn't send it...obviously." She nearly laughed out of nerves.

Snape crossed his arms across his chest. "Well?" Snape was irritated. Brooking no protest, he presented his hand to accept it back. "What does it do?" Miffed, she handed it over, refusing to divulge its hidden qualities. "Ms. Granger, you are the reason class ended five minuets early. Let's see, five minuets times the fifteen students, you owe me an hour and fifteen minuets of your time, now."

"Professor?" She didn't have a class period until after lunch, but she knew she should really study for her NEWTS.

"Ms. Granger take your punishment. Now we're going to get to the bottom of this." Snape's mouth twitched, amused. "Hold out your hand." His slender fingers wrapped around her wrist. Snape placed the troublemaker's stone in her palm and keeping it there with a sticking charm. "Stand Ms. Granger."

She glared at Snape, the stone was powerful, and she was at Snape's mercy. "Professor, this is reprehensible."

"It's time to test the longevity of your clever invention." She withdrew her wand. "Expelliarmus." Hermione's wand landed in the corner. "Ms. Granger, you insisted on getting my attention, today. Why, pray tell?"

"See, what arouses you." She clapped her hand over her mouth.

"Do you still want to know, what arouses me Ms. Granger?" Each word, slow and silky. Snape ran a finger down her cheek.

"Yes." Scowling.

More than mildly interested he spoke gently against her ear. "Does this arouse you?"

She nodded vigorously, lips clamped shut.

"Ms. Granger, would you like me to touch you?" He hadn't laid a finger on her, though her skin felt feverish.

She yelled, "yes, damn you!"

"Tsk, tsk, Ms. Granger. Such language." Smirking, "Ms. Granger, would you like me to...kiss you?"

She was biting her lip piercing it with her tooth. Blood welled and pooled around the puncture.

"Answer the question. Should I kiss you Ms. Granger, it might make your lips feel better."

"Yes, yes. Ok, yes." Snape fixed her lip with a wave of his wand.

"Please don't hurt yourself, it distresses me." He cooed. "This is quite an extraordinary stone. You would tell me your deepest, darkest secrets. Wouldn't you?"

Mouth clapped shut, she nodded jerkily.

"I'm enjoying this Ms. Granger, very much." Snape walked around behind her, pulling her hair away from her neck. He addressed the next question to her neck. "Ms. Granger, would you like me to kiss up your slender neck?"

She grunted an indiscernible reply.

Speaking closer to her skin. "Ms. Granger, what was that? I didn't hear you."

"Yes, please." Anger and frustration flooded those two syllables.

"Ms. Granger, tell me what this does." Holding it dangling in front of her, "pink ribbon do that you enjoyed so much?"

"Tickles." She evaded.

"Tickles? Would that be, 'tickles your fancy?'" Snape's voice dripped with lust.

"Yes, I hate you." Hermione hissed.

"That's quite harsh, Ms. Granger. I must tell you, I am impressed. Your little stone seems to be very effective in an interrogation situation. Last month when you came to see me with your little stunt, did you enjoy my attentions? I confess Ms. Granger, I certainly was pleased to lavish my attention on you."

She sat on her desk to face Snape who was still standing behind her. "Yes, Professor."

Seeing her more relaxed demeanour, he moved closer. Her skirt lay like a hammock between her parted legs. Drawn still closer to her. She threw her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. Holding his gaze, mind clear and relaxed; she clasps the wrist holding the stone with her left hand. Throwing her legs around his waist, she pressed the stone against the back of his neck. Hermione smiled invitingly at Snape. Before he knew what had happened she inquired levelly. "What do you want from me Professor?"

Snape was not suspicious answering he thought of his own free will. "You, all of you." Unthinking he put his arms around her.

"Professor? Why do you want to know, what I'd want?" Keeping her face placid.

"I want..." Then it had dawned on him what had happened. "Ms. Granger." He was slightly panicked. "Let go, at once." Trying to remove her bodily wasn't helping, she wrapped her arms and legs more tightly around him. "Ms. Granger!" She could feel how aroused he was Hermione wiggled closer.

"Sir, you aren't going to get away that easily. What is it Professor, you can dish it out, but can't take it?"

At this, he grinned. "Ms. Granger, I'm certainly capable of doing both." Leaning in he kissed her, rendering her speechless. Deepening the kiss she loosed her hold. Using this opportunity, he broke free. Still grinning, he took a step back. "Ms. Granger," He released the sticking charm. "you're free to go." He picked up the stone in his bare hand. "I'm glad we've had this little chat. It was very pleasurable."

She snatched up her bag and wand, storming off.

~*~

Snape needed to relieve himself before his next class in an hour.

He stripped his clothes off magically. Laying down in his bed, he stroked the patent arousal from his swollen cock. His nipples were tingling. He could almost imagine her licking and nibbling on them, while his hand worked furiously. _I can't thank you enough Ms. Granger, the stone is brilliant. _

He was close, so close. "Hermione, Hermione, ...ah, mmm...oh Hermione, you brilliant woman."

His nipples still tingled. Looking down at them, he saw the pink ribbon, massaging and moving over them. Cleaning himself off, he observed the ribbon dance around his body pleasuring his flesh. _Who sent you the ribbon, Ms. Granger. Who? _Suspicion made him uneasy.


	34. Chapter 34 Up a Creek wo A Broomstick

-=I don't own the Harry Potter characters, only the plot.=-

AN/ If anyone wants me to hurry up and bring the story to an end, give me holler. Please Read and Review. Thank you to all of you kind folks who have done so thus far, I appreciate it very much. On with the show.

**Cheap Thrills**

**Up a Creek Without a Broomstick**

*** * ***

"I've secure permission. Harry, Ron, Parvati, Neville, and I are permitted to spend St. Patty's Day evening in The Three Broomsticks. I have vouched for you all, don't screw up. No: fighting, dancing starkers, and abso-no-no leaving. We go together, we come back together. Got it?"

The cheer she received was equal to the protestations from the Slytherins.

"What McGonagall didn't say anything about us?" Draco whined.

"She's still our Head of House. By all means go ask Snape, he's the one you'll have to ask." Hermione declared stoutly.

Draco deflated. Then he perked up. "Hermione," he cooed.

"No, Draco! Definitely not!"

"Ah, COME ON, if you ask Snape he won't be able to refuse." Draco drawled suggestively.

"I appreciate your confidence, Mr. Malfoy, but you're on your own." Rallying gamely, "and anyway if I ask for the Slytherins, then the other houses will except the same....And I will have to vouch for them as well. Maybe not the Hufflepuffs. They're probably fine left to their own devises." Looking a Draco slyly, "not you lot...no. You might be a problem."

"Hermione...please." Draco, was petrified at being left in the castle while everyone from their year was having a good time, drinking and making merry.


	35. Chapter 35 A Request

-=I'm not JKR, and I make no money from my stories. Thank you.=-

AN/ It's a little plump, hope you've saved room. Cheers.

**Cheap Thrills**

**The Request**

***-*-***

"Damn you Draco, this is the worst idea known to wizard-kind." The memory of the last interview with Snape still clanging in her head.

"I'm not asking you to do anything untoward." Draco pleaded. Knocking on Snape's office door. "Thanks, I owe you."

"Right," _damn Slytherins. _"Yeah, you're going to buy all my drinks. All Draco, even if I drink Rosmerta out of her pub."

"Enter." Snape's voice echoed through the door.

Draco scurried away, _little ferret._ Hermione inhaled deeply and entered.

"Ms. Granger, to what do I owe this pleasure?" Snape set aside his quill.

Striding into the room confidently. _It wouldn't do to show weakness. "_I've come to make a request."

"Yes?" Snape's expression was something between quizzical and cautious. Snape smirked, remembering the last one-on-one they had.

"Professor McGonagall has given the Gryffindors from my year permission to convene in the Three Broomsticks on St. Patty's Day evening."

"Some of your Slytherins have also expressed an interest in going."

"Draco put you up to this," each word an accusation.

"Yes Sir, as it was my idea. I'll also be asking Professors Flitwick and Sprout on their students' behalf."

_Head Girl turned Head Party Girl._ He thought scornfully. "Have a seat Ms. Granger." She sat, if uncertainly. "This outing, tell me more."

"St. Patty's Day evening we have plans to convene in the Tree Broomsticks for fire whisky, butter beer, sing songs and party, Sir." As much as Hermione endeavoured to sound as plain as anything, her words had a distinct impact on Snape.

"Yes?" Snape's suspicions weren't assuaged.

"I am vouching for the Gryffindors that there will be no fighting, dancing starkers. We are going down as one and will return as such." Her matter of fact tone still pricked at Snape and she could tell. She thought she might cadge some entertainment points with the 'dancing starkers,' but apparently not.

"And the Slytherins, who will make sure they abide by the same rules?" Doubt laced Severus' tone.

"I would be pleased Sir, if you would designate someone from your house, who you deem responsible to assist. Since you have the best opinion of their ability for such a job." Hermione's anger was building.

Snape snorted at the suggestion. _Like anyone in his house would be up to such a task._ "What has Mr. Malfoy offered you in exchange for your intercession, as it were?" Snape steepled his fingers.

"Mr. Malfoy, has consented to purchase all of my beverages for the evening, Sir." _There was no point in lying, Snape would know anyway._ "May I tell Mr. Malfoy your answer?" Clearly wanting to move things along. She was too angry at Snape's unmoving attitude to continue the conversation.

"Are you also imbibing, Ms. Granger?" His tone was very dry.

"I certainly plan on it, Sir. If you are implying that I would deliberately be irresponsible, I take exception to that. Madam Rosmerta has already been informed of the plan, and has kindly agreed to keep an extra close eye on the situation. Which Sir, was my idea as well. If you'll excuse me Sir, I'm feeling very patronized at the moment and need to go before I say something rash." Getting up to go, keeping her tone as vanilla as possible. "Thank you for your time Sir, and good day." She walked out of the room ignoring Snape when he called her back.

Draco was waiting anxiously down the hall, for Hermione to emerge. "Sod off, Malfoy." She walked past him, summoned her cloak and went out to sit by the lake.

_Hermione needed time to calm down before she made the same request of the other two Heads. She knew there wouldn't be an issue with getting permission from them. That's what was so infuriating about Snape's Spanish Inquisition. Hermione knew why he was doing it, it was her, Malfoy, or both. It amounted to the same thing, he was jealous. Great Flapping Git. _

_Well, if he wouldn't acquiesce, then she'd make sure, she had every boy's attention. Hermione only hoped she had plenty Pheromone Enhance left. She'd milk it for everything she was worth._


	36. Chapter 36 A Simple Matter

_-=The characters do not belong to me, only the plot.=-_

AN/ Thank you for your continued interest, this is terribly entertaining for me. Thank you again.

Cheap Thrills

A Simple Matter

*

Hermione didn't attend dinner that evening. Instead, she nipped down to the kitchens to get a plate, to carry back to the Student Head's common room.

Picking at her food, gave it up as a bad job. She grabbed her books and retired to her room to study, in less than a month was Easter break. _Going home would be nice._

During Flitwick's and Sprout's evening office hours, she got their permission with the briefest of fuss. Both seemed to think, if McGonagall gave her the 'okay', then certainly they would as well.

_Bloody, bat-like git._ Hermione was not feeling charitable. She would have gone to McGonagall to intervene on the Slytherins' behalf, though she wasn't feeling charitable toward Draco either. _Twitchy little ferret. He'll just have to fend for himself._

* * *

Rounds were quiet that evening. Running into Snape was even a quiet affair. "Good evening Sir." Hermione's tone was nothing short of comatose.

"Ms. Granger, about earlier." Hermione stopped whatever he was about to say, holding up a hand.

"Sir, I've informed Mr. Malfoy, that he is to discuss the matter with you. I've washed my hands of it. So, you'll need to talk to him." Casually walking on, checking the odd nook and cranny.

Nothing was afoot, so she concluded her rounds quickly, leaving Snape in the dungeons, without giving him so much as a "by your leave."


	37. Chapter 37 An Afternoon of Anxiety

**-=I do not own Harry Potter etc., I am not she, who had this illustrious honour.=-**

**Cheap Thrills**

**An Afternoon of Anxiety**

*****

"Thanks, Denis." Hermione gave him a silver Sickle, and unfurled the small scroll.

Dear Ms. Granger,

I wish for you to come to my office, there is a matter I wish to discuss with you regarding Professor Snape. Please attend me at 3p.m. The password is Loyalty.

Best,

Professor McGonagall

Headmistress

Hermione was nervous about the impending interview. _Had Snape talked to her? It wasn't likely to be good, in any case._ Forfeiting her lunch she went out to the lake. The sun was shining, the lake was placid. Hermione sat near a thicket of reeds at the lake's edge. The second half of her day was a free period, she wouldn't be able to study, so she didn't try.

~*~

"Headmistress, you wished me to come." Hermione said stepping off the stairs.

"Yes, Ms. Granger. Thank you for being prompt. Have a seat dear." Hermione took the chair offered.

"I wish to speak to you about Professor Snape." There wasn't anything in McGonagall's attitude to suggest anything as terribly 'out-of-order'. The was moderately reassuring.

"Yes, Professor?" Hermione relaxed in her seat.

"It has come to my attention, that you have some interest in the Professor. In the past, such matters have been strictly prohibited. I know Ms. Granger that you are nineteen years old and have a perfect right to make your own decisions, both in the Muggle and Wizarding worlds. However, I feel I must discourage this. While you are at Hogwarts, you are still under the care of the Professors and myself. The possibility for abuse in this type of situation charges me to speak." McGonagall paused in this disconcerting discussion.

"Professor, I wouldn't abuse the situation and I hope you share my confidence that Professor Snape, is as Professor Snape always is."

McGonagall's face betrayed her bewilderment. "Ms. Granger, I'm at something of a loss to understand the attraction. Beyond that, I was under the impression that you and Mr. Weasley were involved."

"Mr. Weasley, is a fine man. Though Professor, you must realize that we are not suited to be more than friends, one thing and another." McGonagall had seen as much, she had been surprised to see them take more than a friendly interest in each other in the first place. "As for Professor Snape, he is brilliant and studious, I respect him very much. Age is no bar. You, yourself are no doubt aware that the history of such considerations of age have been very recent, in both the Muggle and Wizarding worlds."

"Yes, of course."

"I realize that there are those who would use such a situation to their advantage, both students and teachers. My character is impeachable, I shouldn't like to think I've given any other impression." Hermione waited for McGonagall to respond.

"Yes Ms. Granger, certainly. You've proved your maturity and I've know you to be very responsible, not only to yourself but to others as well. As I say, I will not stop you Ms. Granger. Be aware that I charge you with all discretion, and care in this delicate matter. I shouldn't like to think my trust was misplaced." The Headmistress was grave.

Hermione beamed, "Professor I will take all care in the matter. Thank you. Know too, I appreciate your standing with the governors and do not wish to disparage the school's fine reputation. Professor Snape and I do not at the present have a standing relationship. Given the opportunity I would change that. I do not want to leave Hogwarts without formally completing my education, nor have Professor Snape forcibly removed for our actions. I respect you Professor, your guidance and tutelage over the years have meant so much. I won't let you down."

"Ms. Granger, thank you for your candour. I won't keep you."

"Thank you for everything, Professor." Hermione stood up, shook the Headmistress' hand, and left.


	38. Chapter 38 Up the Ante

-=I don't own Harry Potter and co. however much I'd like to.=-

AN/ Long Chapter. Cheers. And as always Thank you for R/R-ing.

**Cheap Thrills**

**Up the Ante**

*****

"Well, Draco?" Hermione dropped down at the Slytherin table.

"I talked to him, he hasn't given me an answer."

"Right, well then," _time to pull out the big guns._ Returning to her room.

Despite her solitude, she checked to make sure she was alone. Pulling out a hidden drawer, she extracted the Pheromone Enhance. Dabbling it on her pulse points, she tucked it away in a secure pocket. Checking her hair, "hmm?" She subdued it quickly in a French twist, with a flick of her wand. Smirking to herself.

By lunch, the boys followed her like a pack of dogs. She smiled more that day than any two combined. This gracious and cheerful Hermione was noticed by everyone, more so by the Potions Master. His attitude became more belligerent, and hostile toward the male population as the day went on.

Hermione was perturbed by the end of the day, she couldn't get a moment to herself. Oh well. Guess she had to take one for the team. Hermione had insisted on doing rounds alone. Maybe, she'd have a moment to breathe.

The scrapping of Snape's boots alerted her to his presence. She wasn't in the mood for him. If she wanted her farce to be complete, she had to be all innocence and charm to him as well. She waited for him to catch her up.

Plastering a pleasant, smile in place, "fancy seeing you Sir."

"Good evening, Ms. Granger. You relieved Mr. Macmillan this evening?"

"Yes, sir. My hair seems to have drawn a lot of attention. A little quiet time was welcome."

"You have that in spades now, save for myself." Snape slowed.

"Yes, Sir." Hermione slowed to match his pace.

"Hermione?" Snape's questioning inflection was strange.

Ignoring the strangeness, Hermione answered. "Sir?"

"Damn it," he shouted, frightening some nearby students. "Get to your dorms, now. Twenty points each, and if I catch you out again it'll be fifty each." They scurried. Snape rounded on Hermione. "Woman! You're driving me mad!" He backed her into the wall.

In keeping with her plan, Hermione inquired timidly. "Sir?"

Pressing his palm to his forehead. "Hermione Granger, you..." his rage was present and accounted for. "All day, every...MALE in Hogwarts has been following you. What kind of trick is this?" Running his hands through his hair roughly.

"I can only imagine they thought the new look suited me. Sir, are you ok?" Hoping to cast doubt on his mental state.

Snape pulled his wand on Hermione.

Her hair tumbled down harmlessly. Not deigning to raise her voice, she composed herself. "I'm not sure what you mean by it Sir, but it took me some time to find a spell that would do that."

Snape paced to and fro. Stopping he waved his wand at her again. Nothing happened.

"My hair bother you Sir?" She hazarded.

Severus pressed her to the wall, burying his nose in her hair. Hermione touched his chest. She looked up into his face, praying that her lust was not evident. "Sir?"

He didn't answer, only stooped to kiss her with fire. Snaking a hand around her waist, the Slytherin Head of House's flesh erupted as he did so. Hermione touched his smooth jaw lightly, gripping his robes with the other.

When they broke their passionate embrace, Hermione looked at Snape seriously. She implored. "Kiss me again." Trying desperately to keep her cool. "Please." She meant to continue however, Snape walked away. His long strides consumed the hall, leaving Hermione quite alone. _Alone._


	39. Chapter 39 Cheap Substitutes & Discourse

-=I'm not JKR, and no I make no money from my story, only cheap thrills.=-

**Cheap Thrills**

**Cheap Substitutes and Discourse**

*****

It was Saturday, so she sat with Ernie at the Hufflepuff table. Owls swooped into the Great Hall as usual. A barn owl delivered an envelope to Hermione. Ernie was pontificating loudly about his family and connections. _Perhaps, she should have worn less Pheromone Enhance._

Keeping a pleasant demeanour, she opened the envelope she sent herself. Snape saw her open it. She pulled out the ribbon wriggling it gently. Apologizing excitedly to Ernie she took off, pink ribbon dancing merrily in her hand. Snape scowled. _She must know who it's from._

Once in the Head's common room, she lay the ribbon on the coffee table, laughing. Sudden inspiration struck. Taking out her wand, she tried to charm the ribbon to her purpose, in case it was confiscated by an angry Potions Master. _Surely, he must know what it does by now._

The charm wasn't perfect, but it'd do. She tied her French braid back with it. The forked ends gracefully fluttered about tickling her neck, jaw, and ears.

~*~

She had jumped when the ribbon sent a particularly strong shiver through her. Hermione's life flashed before her eyes when she saw Snape's murderous intent during a visit to the library. "Ms. Granger, I find your behaviour to be outrageous, and completely inappropriate for the library."

"Sorry Sir." She had been looking for a book to show her how to enchant the ribbon to do what its predecessor did. _So far no luck._ Snape still breathing down her neck, she decided to take her books back to her room. On her way out of the library, still within earshot of Snape, Ernie stopped her.

"Hermione, I'd be pleased if you'd come to Hogsmeade with me. We could have a nice sit in Madam Puddifoot's. It's the last Hogsmeade trip before NEWTS, thought you might be interested." His normal voice, projected very well. Too well, judging by Snape's reaction.

Hesitant Hermione replied. "Sure Ernie, I have to stop off at Scrivenshaft's Quill Shop, to pick up some supplies." Remembering her arm-load of books. "I'll meet you in the courtyard, I have to drop these off."

AN/ Snape should have set her on the sturdy library table, and put her to the test, but that would have been outrageous and inappropriate for the library. =)


	40. Chapter 40 Pissed Off in Potions

**-=I make no money from this just cheap thrills=-**

**AN/ Thank you for reading.**

**Cheap Thrills**

**Pissed off in Potions**

*****

"That's great Draco." Hermione slapped him on the back. "Waited to the last minuet, didn't he?"

Draco looked furtive. "I practically had to go to the Ministry to supersede Professor Snape. Not to mention sign my name in blood, to insure I wasn't going to let anything happen. You'd better be on your best behaviour Granger."

"Who me?" Hermione batted her lashes grinning.

"What did this Patty guy do to get a holiday?" Draco was genuinely interested.

_Likely wondering how to get Draco Malfoy Day._ "He chased all the snakes out of Ireland." Grinning, she poked him in the side. Draco hadn't missed the irony.

More seriously, Draco checked the coast. "Listen Granger, Snape will have my ass in a sling if something happens to you." Draco whispered harshly in her ear. "He made himself very clear."

"I can't wait to drink you out of house and home Mr. Malfoy. What are you wearing?"

Draco's face lit up, "well Granger, I'm going to wear black trousers with the button flap, black shirt, and my emerald frock coat." Looking Granger up and down. "You?"

"That sounds very appropriate for St. Patty's Day. Me? Jeans and a shirt." Hermione playfully smacked Draco on the cheek.

"Settle down. Ms. Granger, I'll thank you to keep your hands to yourself." Snape sounded like he wouldn't thank her, whatever she did. "None of you will be permitted to blow up cauldrons today. As no doubt, that's what you would prefer to do. Instead, today you'll write an essay on a Potion from chapter twenty. Note the ingredients, and what could go wrong if there are aberrations in the quality and quantity of those ingredients. To be handed in at the end of class. No Talking."

The task Snape set them insured that there would be no chattering about their trip to Hogsmeade that evening. Snape sat at his desk trying to grade papers.

Snape stood, walked around giving each essay a cursory glance, making comments whether or not they were needed. When he got to Draco and Hermione's table, Hermione fanned herself diffusing the Pheromone Enhance. Just for fun.

Almost beyond his control he leaned in close to Hermione, who was very aware of the Professor's proximity. "Hot, Ms. Granger?"

"I wasn't sure if the room was hot or just me. No worries Professor, I'll do. Are you hot too Sir?" Hermione was glad the Professor hadn't made eye contact, she was having a hard enough time not laughing.

"No, Ms. Granger I'm not. Return to your task and stop your impertinence." Snape hissed.

"Actually I'm finished Sir. Would you like me to give it to you now?" She wasn't sure if he'd caught on yet, but figured it was entertaining to chip away at his façade.

Snatching up the essay, giving it a cursory glance. "You are dismissed, Ms. Granger. You'd better hope it meets my expectations."

"I always strive for excellence Sir. Thank you." She privately thought Snape had dismissed her, to prevent her from sitting so close to Draco. She gathered up her bag and books and decamped.


	41. Chapter 41 Shades of Green

-=If JKR ever opens up the franchise, I would love to write racy, Snapey novels, but that's not likely to happen, so I'll have to write for free in the mean-time.=-

AN/ Thank you everyone for your continued interest.

**Cheap Thrills**

**Shades of Green**

*****

_It wasn't deliberate _he told himself for possibly the forth time. Snape watched all the party goers gather in the Entrance Hall. Hermione was at the centre of the crowd making an announcement.

She wore a pair of Muggle blue jeans. _Thank Slytherin for blue jeans, they were very fine on her, cumbersome for him. That's what wands were for, were they not. _She was also wearing a low cut cambric poet's top and an emerald half corset. _That top was far too low cut. Where was McGonagall when you needed her? Oh, perfect! There she is, she'll put a stop to that provocative display._

Snape watched as the Headmistress walked up to Hermione. Whispering something in Hermione's ear. They both giggled. _Giggle? McGonagall wasn't suppose to giggle, she never giggled. Moreover she was supposed to tell Ms. Granger to change, or at least admonish Hermione on clothing choice._

The Headmistress looked serious, addressing her next remarks to Hermione. The Head Girl pulled her wand out of her pocket, showing it to the older woman, then tucked it away in her back pocket.

Snape could barely hear Potter addressing the group, words drifted over to him. "Better witches... buttocks...and...more." There seemed to be a general agreement. Ron and Harry clapped hands mid-air.

"Little gits." Snape snarled.

Hermione pulled Draco close, _too close. Those two are wearing matching greens. Hermione never wore green._ It had escaped his attention that everyone wore green as well. McGonagall pat Draco on the shoulder.

The group left out the door under while Minerva watched. The Headmistress turned, walking back toward her study.

* * *

"Albus, I'll return shortly. I want to see the students off. I wish them to remember; they are representative of Hogwarts, whatever their ages. You can tell me the joke when I return." Speaking to Dumbledore's portrait.

~*~

"Ms. Granger." Hermione, focused on the Headmistress. McGonagall leaned in for a private word, "a certain Slytherin is watching you, don't look by the hourglasses. Severus looked a bit fussed." They shared the private chuckle. More dignified she stood erect. "Now Ms. Granger, do you have your wand?"

"Yes Professor, here it is." Brandishing her wand, then returning it to her pocket.

Harry broke in, "better witches than you have lost buttocks. Elemental wand safety, and no one uses it any more." Ron and Harry high-fived. 'Moody.' They both mouthed.

There was a collective desire to go.

Gripping Draco around the middle, pulling him over. "And Mr. Malfoy is under strict orders to assure my safety."

"Very well Mr. Malfoy." _Poor boy, having to answer to Severus._ McGonagall pat Draco on the shoulder sympathetically, and they left. Minerva stayed long enough to see the door close behind them.


	42. Chapter 42 Lust for Life

-=I'd prefer not to have to admit that I am not JKR, but I'm not. So there it is, I'm not in denial.=-

AN/ I'm dedicating this one to takara410. Thank you so much everyone. It's a long one, enjoy.

**Cheap Thrills**

**Lust for Life**

*****

"Draco check this out." Granger downs a fourth shot of fire whisky.

Draco shakes his head, he knows this isn't going to be good. He needed to keep a close watch on the Gryffindor. Meanwhile Neville, Harry and Ron sung the Ballad of Godric Gryffindor.

"I sure love this fire whisky." Rubbing it in Draco's face. Draco Malfoy, Designated Wizard. "It's all down to you Draco, I might not have sprung for it myself."

_Lucky me._

Three sheets to the wind, she looked at Draco critically. "You Slytherins aren't so bad after all, I suppose." A smile crept across her face, "Madam Rosmerta!" Hermione called out. "I want to karakote. Sing, I mean." Rosmerta waved her wand at the corner, conjuring a microphone and a modified Wizarding Wireless.

Cantering onto the makeshift stage. "You, lot." Hermione yelled into the microphone. "Thisssis an olldie, Draco, be my dancer."

"Hell no Granger, you're on your own. Pansy'll do it, go Pansy." Everyone chanted 'Pansy!'

Hermione and Pansy danced as the music played. Hermione began singing too soon. "Here comes Professor in again, With the lick her and hugs, And the sex machine, Draco's gonna do another strip tease. Hey man, where'd ya get that potion? I've been hurting since I've bought the gimmick, About something called love, Yeah, something called love. Well, that's like hypnotizing snitches...." and the music played on Hermione forgot to sing until the refrain, "I got lust for life!"

Pansy repeated the refrain after Hermione yelling instead, "I got a bust for life," rubbing her chest. Hermione forgot what lyrics she changed but contented herself to dance with Pansy for the remainder of the song. Ron cheered Pansy on. Hermione and Pansy bowed together holding hands and stepped down carefully.

Neville ran up to the stage to sing, "If You Were Gay," to a very red Harry.

Hermione threw herself into a chair, nearly falling down. "Beer! Draco, I'm thirsty, Beer." Holding up her middle finger to indicate "one." Taking a sip of the beer, sighed. "Harry, take me to the loo. I got to tinkle." Harry looked mortified at the proposal. "Come on Harry you've been in the little witch's loo before." Harry helped Hermione to the loo.

Back in her seat Hermione watched and cheered the other singers, loudly. George turned up for the party. "Butter beer please," he called over Madam Rosmerta. Walking over kissing a very drunk Hermione whispering, "did you get my Valentine's gift?"

She dropped, her freshly supplied butter-beer. Butter-beer splashing, glass breaking. "That was you!" She bellowed.

"Make that two, please." George amended. He cleared the mess and dried their clothes.

Ernie stood at the microphone and hollered after his forth butter-beer. "Granger, show them how you take your socks off with your teeth." Raising his fresh beer in a salute.

All the males in the pub, and most of the females looked expectantly at Hermione.

"What?" George asked, looking knowingly at the Head Girl.

Hermione giggled, and winked at George. "Georgy Porgy Puddin' Pie, you're very clever, but so am I." Hermione sat on the floor, removed her clog slides, hitched up her pant legs, and pulled her socks off with her teeth.

"I think I'm in love." George breathed. Many of the surrounding men agreed.

Madam Rosmerta spared her a glance, "it's always the quiet ones."

She bowed wobbly to her spectators. "Don't thank me, thank my yoghurt instructor."

George helped her put her socks and slides back on. Steering her into a private booth."Hermione, so you got it? How did it work?"

She shook a finger at George. "You got me in trouble."

George was necessarily confused. _It wasn't suppose to animate until she was undressed. Maybe it malfunctioned. _

"No note, I thought someone else sent it." She levelled a look of blurry incredulity at him. "I don't have it anymore, it got condiskated."

Not being the least bit inebriated, George's mind worked fast to figure out who might have been up to charming it, then angry enough about it to take it. Not coming up with anyone feasible, "who took it?"

"Never you mind that." She shook her head determined.

"Did it work?"

Hermione lulled dreamily. "Oh, it worked alright. Ten points to Wisely's Wizardping Weasels, for outstanding sex toys. It was a sex toy, wasn't it?" George blushed at Hermione's overly-loud question.

George took her hands, "Be with me Hermione. Your brilliant, and beautiful, and I like to think I'd stand up well to you trying to boss me around."

Hermione laughed hard, unfortunately her stomach jarred, a bit much. She lurched drunkenly from the table, loosing a shoe on the way to the loo.

George picked up her shoe, waited by the loo for Hermione to return. When she didn't come out in a reasonable amount of time, George went in.

Draco saw this and waited. He wasn't about to rush into the girls' water closet.

Hermione looked a bit like a drown rat when George carried her out. George called over to Harry, "I'm taking Hermione back to the castle."

Draco intercepted George before they reached the door. Hermione was shoeless, but standing on her own feet now. "We are supposed to return together as a group, just the way we came."

"Hermione can't hang out while you lot party, she should probably go to the Hospital Wing. If you all are ready to go now, fine. I'm ready to take her back. Either way, I'm taking her back."

Hermione's head bobbed like a flower on a long stalk, and threw up. Wiping her mouth absently. "Yeah, there's more where that came from."

Draco, conceded the point, "I have to stay here, it looks like Macmillan isn't in much better shape. Tell Professor Snape, I had to stay behind. So help you George Weasley, if one hair on her head is out-of-place..."

"Then you know she's thrown up on that too, yeah got it." George looked at Draco's shoes. "You might want to get that."

* * *

The Entrance Hall was lit with torches as Snape emerged. "Mr. Weasley?"

Hermione looked up. "Stevis...Servis...damn it...Sir." George was bearing most of Hermione's weight. She didn't weigh a lot, but dead weight was dead weight. She stage-whispered to George, "thanks George. I'll ouw you. I'm going to crawl upstairs."

"No, you don't," Weasley and Snape said together.

Snape pulled a vial out and held it for Hermione to drink. "Servis, I've had enough thanks. One more and I might..." She put her hand to her mouth.

George careful of what mess she might make and observed Snape. George had put it down to distraction, but _Hermione wasn't trying to say Potions Master, Snape or Sir...she had been trying to say Severus._ _Did Snape take her Valentine's Day gift? No._ His mind wanted to refute, _but...Merlin no._ He certainly hoped not.

"Thanks Mr. Weasley. I'll take her from here." Briskly Snape dismissed George, meaning to take her arm.

"That's okay Sir. I'm not in any hurry." Snape didn't miss the note of suspicion in George's words. George looked eloquently at the vial, "Pepper-up or Sober-up?" It was a pointed question.

"Sober-up, Mr. Weasley." Looking at Hermione. "Open up Granger," she pulled her hand away from her mouth and threw up on the vial, Professor Snape's robe-sleeve and both of the men's shoes.

"I feel so much bedder." She pulled out her wand, casting the wrong spell, Snape stood in the Entrance Hall clad in his smalls. "Oh." Hermione was just as surprised as the two men. "Professor what happened to your clothes?"

Snape snatched her arm from George. "Drunk people, Ms. Granger should keep their comments to themselves, and their wands in their robes." He looked angrily at Hermione, "and where is Mr. Malfoy?"

Hermione was about to answer, George stepped in, "Draco is going to Shepard the group back."

"Come on Ms. Granger we need to get you sobered up. I'm told that aspirating on your own vomit is a horribly painful way to die. And will cause a dreadful amount of paperwork. Thank you Mr. Weasley, good evening." Snape re-clothed himself, and watched as George left reluctantly.

"Ms. Granger, if I weren't worried about you throwing up on me again, I'd spank you here and now. We are going down to my lab so I can get more Sober-up, a hang-over potion wouldn't go amiss either. I should make you suffer." They slowly progressed to Snape's lab. He dropped her unceremoniously in a chair. Opening the cabinet, he pulled out both potions. Handing them to Hermione, who promptly drank them down. "Ms. Granger?"

Her vision cleared and she could focus on Snape properly. "Thanks." She leaned her head back against the high back of the chair. "You're a dream come true Professor." Snape sniffed the vial to make sure he'd given her the right potion. _Yes, right potion. Wrong strength? _

"Ms. Granger, let me give you another, you appear to be in need of more." He went to the cabinet to retrieve another. The third vial drunk, Hermione sat there, unmoving and staring. Snape waved a hand in front of her face. She snapped to attention.

"Professor. Professor Snape, I feel horrible." Snape turned to get another vial of hanger-over remedy. _Sweet Slytherin how much had she drank? _"I think we should talk, there are some things I want to know."

"Ms. Granger at the moment, my tolerance for charity has been exhausted."

AN/ Just for the helluvit, I'm going to state, "Lust for Life is by Iggy Pop, and If you were Gay is from Avenue Q." You likely already knew that. -Oh yeah, I don't own those either.


	43. Chapter 43 Confrence w Professor Snape

-=I don't own the characters, JKR does, but you already know that.=-

Cheap Thrills

Conference with Professor Severus

*

"Ms. Granger," waving her into a chair. Hermione sat in-front of Snape's desk. He removed himself to the chair adjacent Hermione. Turning his chair to face her. "Lets talk."

"Candidly Sir?" Hermione ventured.

"Yes," Snape was not convinced it was a good idea.

"You have my attention Sir." This month had been a trial.

Compressing his lips, "Ms. Granger you already know, this year has been rather irregular. I am not blameless, though neither are you. You needn't fear retaliation from me, or any staff member. Everything said, will stay in complete confidence." This was both a command and reassurance.

Hermione agreed. "That's fine Sir." Snape winced at the formal address.

Wanting to break the tension. "Superlative. May I call you Hermione?"

"If you wish, Professor." They were deeply aware of each other. Severus reaches over to take her hand, "call me Severus. I'd like that."

Hermione really wanted to know what Severus had to say, so she encouraged the silence to grow.

"Hermione are you okay?" His voice was soft and soothing.

"Si...Severus," catching his eye. "The war changed everything. Before the war my priority was to get the best grades and make the most of my education. At the end of sixth year, my priority was to safeguard those I loved, and just stay alive long enough to help defeat Voldemort and his followers. This year, more than anything was about learning how to enjoy life again. Now that I'm not in immediate danger of being tortured, violated and killed, I'm not sure what to do." Looking lost and alone.

"Yes, it's all a bit of an adjustment." Snape understood.

"My future is about to change. I'm not really sure what I'll do next week after the N.E.W.T.s. It's right outside these walls, and I'm at a considerable loss to find it.

"Hermione," he pulled her feet and onto his lap. She curled up, pleased at this small intimacy. "I know what I'm doing only so far as reporting the last grade, and not much beyond that. I'll admit that the future seems rather daunting."

"Thank you, it's a comfort to hear you say it." She toyed with Severus hair, breathing softly on his ear.

"You keep doing that and you're going to find out how much I like it."

"Professor are you getting fresh with me?" Snape could feel the vibrations of each word whispered against his ear.

Thoroughly aroused, and still wanting to maintain some semblance of modesty, he slid Hermione off his lap. "Ms. Granger, you would try the patience of a flobberworm."

Moving in close, Hermione played with the buttons of his cassock teasingly. With her other hand, she gently rubbed his erection through his trousers.

Snape's lids closed, and lips parted a fraction. "Ms...Hermione." Aroused past distraction, he removed her dexterous hand.

"Yes," Hermione looked at her hand held in his.

Bringing her palm to his lips, Snape licked and kissed the centre.

Thrilled by his touch, she reached down gripping him tightly, pulling.

"Ms. Hermione Granger," he growled. Holding both hands tightly. "You are not playing fair."

_Succumb to me Severus._ "You Sir, have mistaken me. We, Gryffindors always play fair. It's Slytherins who play dirty."

An ironic grin spread across his face. "Ms. Granger, you're quite right."

Scenting trouble. "No!" Hermione spun around to bolt.

She wasn't fast enough. Snape grabbed her around the middle, manoeuvring her into the open space. Snape stepped back. With the barest flick of his wand she hung upside-down. Hermione's wand clattered to the floor.

"Levicorpus! You ass!" She swung her arms around trying to connect with Snape. "When I get down, you'll be sorry."

"Oh, I doubt that," Snape seemed pretty sure of himself. Kneeling before Hermione, he grabbed her arms to keep from getting knocked senseless. Ignoring her shouted imprecations, he kissed her taking her full lower lip between his. She ceased her struggle, submitting to his soft lips. Snape cupped her face, murmuring his pleasure at her reciprocation. Tentatively and so gently he reached up, brushing his middle fingers over her harden nipples. Her mind reeled helplessly.

Hermione stopped suddenly, going completely limp. Severus noting this change, looked to see why. Hermione was slightly green, and her eyes rolled in her head.

Gaining a firm hold on her, Snape released her from the Levicorpus. Sitting on the floor, Snape gathered Hermione onto his lap. He patted her cheek.

"Hermione. That's a girl."

Hermione tried to stand. She grabbed hold of the Potions Master. Snape stood to better steady Hermione. "You're evil. No wonder Voldemort thought you'd make a good ally."

Her words had stung, he responded very shyly. "Becoming a Deatheater was one of my greatest regrets."

Realizing her faux pas, she looked at his face imploringly. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean..."

Snape put a finger to her lips. "I know, but you see that it needs to be said. Hermione, there are things I've done that I can't undo. Things I'll never tell you. There are things too terrible, to say. This however is not one of those. The guilt of my actions will never go away. That is, as it should be. Without it, I'm always in danger of repeating such errors in judgement. My pride is over-abundant, my pride would prevent me from doing what needs to be done." Snap knelt on the cold stone floor in supplication.

Silently she ran her fingers through his hair. Snape wanted forgiveness; he knew he didn't deserve it, and therefore didn't ask for it. Snape bowed his head.

Hermione couldn't offer him easy reassurance, this was not an easy matter. She wrapped her arms around him, only holding him. "I'm a jealous man Hermione. To see you every day, not able to possess you. Take you to my bed and keep you there. To see you day in and day out, in the company of so many young, whole, attractive wizards. I burn with rage. I hate them, I hate you and I hate myself. I don't deserve you, I know that. Knowledge isn't power, knowledge is knowledge. Muggle non-sense, if you ask me. Knowing doesn't make it easier, knowing that I will never be good enough, that I can't be good enough." He was squeezing her so tight, near to bruising.

"Shush," Hermione pulled his glossy tresses from his face. "That's not the Professor Snape I know. The Professor Snape I know, is strong and silent. Unless of course there's a confrontation with Harry, or Neville's blown up his cauldron." She mused, "I think you've said enough. Now, be a good little Potions Master and stand up."

Snape did stand up, towering over her. "Little?" He cocked an eyebrow.

"By the way Sir, Sir Francis Bacon, was a wizard Sir, not a Muggle as you suggest." She tried not to laugh, but failed terribly.

"I'm still miserable about you." Snape looked as morose as he sounded.

"Perhaps I shall go out into the world and be a Muggle. Then you wouldn't be miserable about me any more. Since your not keen on them." Snape was appalled at her flippant remark.

"Definitely, not." Snape was positively scandalized at the notion. "Whatever I happen to be guilty of, I should never want that on my conscience."

"Good, that's settled. You won't be miserable about me, and I will remain a witch. Seems like a fair bargain." Her levity might not have been appropriate under the circumstance, however it seem to be her best weapon, just the now.


	44. Chapter 44 Normalcy Deferred

**-=I don't own Snape, Granger or Hogwarts, and I don't make money writing this canon fodder.=-**

**Cheap Thrills**

**Normalcy Deferred**

***-***

Dearest Hermione,

Your father and I hope you are in perfect health and happiness, and that your studies are going well.

We've received your owl about coming home for the Easter break.

I don't know how to tell you this, but your father and I are going on a second honeymoon. I'm sorry. I assumed incorrectly, that you'd be staying at school since the N.E.W.T.s are upon you. Knowing how important it was for you to return to Hogwarts this year, it seemed natural that you'd stay. If I had known sooner that you had planned on returning home for the holiday, I assure you dear, we would have been happy to delay our romantic honeymoon.

Hermione dear, I hope this doesn't upset you too much. Your father and I know you're disappointed with this arrangement, we'll make it up to you at the end of the year. Then perhaps we can have a wonderful celebration of your accomplishments and a coming home party together.

When we return from Madagascar we can formalize the plan. You may want to start making a list of guests.

Sincerest Love,

Mum and Da

P.S. Be sure to invite all of the Weasleys, they are such nice people.

~*~

Uncharacteristically, Hermione burst into tears and ran from the table. The 8th years as they so termed themselves, gathered a contingent and went after her.

After escaping them, she skulked to her room. Ernie knocked at the door. "Ernie go away, tell Snape I'm skiving off, tell McGonagall too. I'm skiving off all of my lessons today." The lock clicked open. "Damn it Ernie go away." She put her head back under her pillow. She felt him sit down, depressing the mattress. He rubbed her back. "Ernie you pompous ass," registering her visitor. "Sorry Professor, I won't be in classes today. I'm not fit."

Snape's resonant voice intoned, "not fit Ms. Granger? You're positively frightening."

She hit Snape on the arm. "Thanks for that professional assessment." Curtly she dismissed Snape.

"I'm not the pushover you may have pegged me as." Dryly he continued. "As a teacher I'm permitted certain licence; such as harassing students, barging into whatever room I deem fit, and insuring my pupils welfare."

Hermione rolled over onto her side. "That may be. As my welfare has never been a huge concern before, I don't see any reason to detain you."

Snape ignored this. "Hermione Granger, unfit for class. Nothing short of animal transfiguration or petrification has prevented you in the past." Snape's hand rested on her hip. "As you don't resemble cat woman, and have already tried to brutalize me, then I must assume you are not petrified."

Despite her bad humour, she almost laughed. Some of her hair found it's way into her mouth. Snape hooked a finger, removing the strand. _I'm afraid of so many things, you know. _Snape turned and warded the door, floor, walls and ceiling. Snape lay down next to Hermione. He touched her hair and kissed her forehead. It didn't turn out the way Snape wanted it to. She bawled up her fists pummelling Snape in the chest while crying.

_Was he the author of her troubles? _Snape wrapped his arms around her, holding her like a human straight-jacket. He spoke flatly in her ear. "Ms. Granger." He repeated this over and over until she stopped struggling. "Hermione, does this have anything to do with me?"

He felt like some travesty of an adolescent, lying down in a girl's bed hoping he doesn't get caught. Worse for him, his anatomy was behaving very rakishly. Hermione spoke quietly against his Adam's apple, "no, you didn't do anything." Hermione kissed his throat, making soft grumbling noises. As she ascended to his earlobe, he exerted more effort over his body trying to compartmentalize the urge to skive off class and spend some quality time putting a smile on her face.

"Hermione, please no. I want to be a gentleman, I do," trying to convince himself. "You and I need to get to class. How would it look if we were both absent. If you'd like me to stay intact I suggest we get going, or the Headmistress will see to it that I never feel gentlemanly again. I think she'd even go so far as to use Sectumsempra on me."

With the greatest effort he got to his feet and turned away to adjust his wicked flesh. Straightening his coat he faced the now sitting Hermione. Extending a hand to her, pulling her to her feet. Still very upset Hermione gave in, "have it your way, you can go ahead. I'll be a little late, Professor." Hermione wiped her face roughly with her sleeve. Snape turned and left.


	45. Chapter 45 Lady's Prerogative

-=I'm not making any money off this story.=-

**Cheap Thrills**

**Lady's Prerogative**

*****

"Off to bed you too," Hermione called into the recess. They scrambled, and bolted.

"Lumos." She watched their labelled dots return to their dorms. "Where is Snape?"

"Right behind you." She whipped around. Tapping the map, she shoved it into her robes. The moonlight reflected off Snape's white skin.

"Professor." Sheathing her wand.

"Snape?" Snape inquired.

"Don't give me any bunk. When you're not around we all call you Snape. You very well know that." Hermione didn't like being called out on the carpet.

"Don't I intimidate you anymore?" Snape teased.

Though Hermione was serious. "You never intimidated me SNAPE. Never, the only thing I ever was intimidated by was loosing house points." She ticked off instances of open defiance, and chicanery.

"Ms. Granger I'm impressed. Your the first student not so affected. If I didn't know how intelligent you are, I would say you were ONLY Gryffindor brave." Snape squeezed her shoulder.

"Ha, ha. The fact you haven't docked points, tells me you might have decided to treat me like an adult. If so, I might reconsider your ability to treat me as an equal."

"I think you took some meat with that particular bite." Snape clutched his arm comically.

"If only, if only." Hermione smirked.

"Come with me,"

~*~

Hermione had to assume she was right. "Your chambers?"

"Undress, if you please. Put this on." Snape tossed her a towel and left the room.

She sat on his soft, luxurious bed. "I'm ready, Severus."

Snape came in, and stopped.

Hermione laughed at his stupefied expression. She patted the towel, "you didn't say where to put it. I thought it'd keep my hair out-of-the-way." Snape stood completely still. "If you don't stop staring, I'm going to hex you."

Three strides and Snape was across the room. Picked her up, threw her into the centre of the bed and undressed hastily. "This is not what I had in mind, lady's prerogative then." He preformed a birth control charm without asking and climbed on the bed. "I hope your not teasing, naked women aren't permitted to tease in my bed." His breath was coming in harsh growls as he crawled over to her.

She playfully braced her foot against his shoulder. Snape running a hand down her thigh, turned his head to kiss and nip her ankle. Hermione put her other foot on his shoulder. Snape's teeth were bared. She caressed his meaty polarity. "Hermione," Snape grasped her ankles to spread her out before him. He roamed over body brief nibbling until he reached her lips. "This going to hurt you, hurt me Hermione, hurt me. I'm not going to be gentle, but I promise your pain will go away." He kissed her sweetly. Severus gave her virgin centre a long sweet taste. "You are so beautiful. You might have trouble getting rid of me after this."

Hermione was ready, she seized a hank of his hair, he howled and plunged into her. Hermione's scream joined his. It was a short fought battle, Severus succumbed to her.

He pulled back far enough to lick soothingly at her aching petals. Hermione's pain transmuted to rippling pleasure. Their mutual issue was evocative in its strangeness.


	46. Chapter 46 Daily Prophet

-=If I were JKR, I wouldn't tell you lot. But I'm not or I'd actually be getting paid for this.=-

Cheap Thrills

Daily Prophet

*

Hermione went to the library, she sat down to copy a few well chosen spells. She'd seriously have to consider expanding her personal library. So many decisions.

Back in her room Hermione looked around. In a week she wouldn't be here any more. The mere thought of being outside this wonderful comfort-zone was terrifying. The mantra she had carried with her throughout this period of transition, "the future is yours," had scarcely sustained her battered spirit.

Picking up her morning copy of the Daily Prophet, she skimmed the notices. Antiques, Magical Beasts, Books, Broomsticks, Business Opportunities, Carriages, Customized Services, Fertility Clinics, For Sale By Owner, Gardening/Horticultural Supplies, Jobs, Lost and Found, Miscellany, Muggle Devices, Personal Inquiries, Potions Ingredients, Rare Magical Objects, Rooms for Let, Seers, Servicing Wands/Broomsticks, Used, Wizarding Supplies, and Wizarding Wireless.

Quill out she starred Books, Jobs, For Sale by Owner, Personal Inquiries, _they were always good for a laugh,_ Rooms for Let, and Used, _why not._

Books let's see; Obscurus Books, WhizzHard Books, Flourish and Blotts, all adverts. Pass.

Jobs; Apothecary clerk, _maybe, but the pay isn't quite enough._ Circle.

Book Shop Clerk, _doesn't pay enough._

Eeylops Owl Emporium, kennel attendant, _they can call it what they want. No. _

Server/Housemaid with Superior Pure-blood Family, _ah, no._

The Leaky Cauldron, _still doesn't pay enough._

Hippogriff trainer, _definitely not._

St. Mungo's, many positions available. Circle.

Interested in a Prestigious Career with the Ministry of Magic, inquire with Wizarding Resources. Circle.

Moving right along. For Sale by Owner; _no, no, no, uh, what were they thinking? Wizards! No, and absolutely not, who buys second-hand unwashed undies?_

_I'll save Personal Inquiries for afters._ Rooms for Let; _hmm,_ circle.

_Ah no. _

_Room-mate? Definitely not. _

_Wait that can't be right. _Large house situated on a berm, owner rarely used, rent cheap to right applicant, circle.

Knockturn Alley? _No, no, no. _

West wing of Manner-house, must submit to interview, price available upon approval, _hmm, maybe._ Brownstone, Muggle London, several flats still available, reasonably priced. Circle.

Flat above Weasely's Wizarding Wheezes Hogsmeade, contact George Weasley. Circle, _there's always silencing charms._

Used; _Hmm, that's got to be Mrs. Weasley_- Ford Anglia, many features.

_No. _

_No. _

_Yuck._

_And No!_

On to the Personal Inquiries. Single Wizard Seeking Witch for Fun and Laundry Service. _I feel sorry for the witch who takes him up on his offer. _

Married Witch Needs A Real Wizard. _Tart! _

Single Wizard Needs Support Through This Difficult Time, undergoing sexual modification, _more power to you! _

Have Harry-Potter Fetish, Will Travel, _I have to show this to Harry! He'll die._

Seeking Witch or Wizard With Ample Means for Friendship and More. _Pu-yuck!_

Wizard Seeks Witch or Wizard with a Strong Commanding Voice, and Even Stronger Wand-arm. _Uh..._

Have a Sense of Humour? I'm the Witch for you. _She'd be good for George._

Fire-call Me Any time for Hot Encounter. _Ha!_

This one is unusually long, Wealthy Wizard Seeks Playmate, will travel. No sexual preference, for painting toe nails, fun with Hippogriffs, vacations. Public Humiliation, Domination, and Blood-letting a must. _They actually printed this?_

"Alright that's enough."

"Tomorrow, my trip to Diagon Alley will be busy. I suppose I'll stumble around Muggle London while I'm there. Perhaps I'll book a room at the Leaky Cauldron, for all of Easter Vacation. So let's see," quill poised over fresh parchment. "Inquire at The Apothecary, Ministry of Magic, and St. Mungo's. Maybe I should also look into Muggle employers. Check Muggle want-ads."

Next check out housing options, large house, manner house, and the brownstone, and George.

"Then I can riffle all the bookshops in the Magical World. I'd better pack."


	47. Chapter 47 RedHeaded Brick Wall

**-=In the dark of night I whip out my parchment and quill and plot terrible things.=-**

**Cheap Thrills**

**Red-headed Brick Wall**

"C'mon Hermione, you can't be serious?"

"George, believe it or not I could do worse." Hermione inhaled ready to go the distance, as she didn't see anyway of getting out of it. "You're just mad because Snape hexed your ear off."

He looked stunned, then incredulous. "No, I'm not. Amputees are sexy. Been thinking about getting the other one hexed off, so I can be extra sexy." George got more serious, "no I'm mad, bonkers actually, that Snape will be getting you. Hermione you and me are a perfect fit, you're brilliant, I'm brilliant, you got crazy hair, me too. And Hermione, I would only drive you up the wall every other day. Snape well, it'd be some kind of hate, hate relationship. You'd hate to love him, and you'd hate to hate him." Taking a quick breath. "Sure, okay. He's brilliant too. In an evil-genius kind of way." With a toss of his hand, "I know he's some kind of hero and everything," looking as though this were inconsequential. "I wouldn't even ask you to have a bunch of titchy red-headed midgets. I'm sure it'd be fun making 'em, but beyond that. Anyway my brothers can carry on the name. And knowing Ginny, she'll likely have her husband hyphenate his last name."

Hermione put a placating hand on his. "George. I appreciate your honesty. I always do, but my mind's made up. I'm going to see what I can make out of this whole Snape-thing."

"Git!" George looked thoroughly unhappy. "When he ruins all of your pillow-cases with that greasy mop, call me."

She pecked him on the cheek. "I'll keep your offer in mind. Yes, and speaking of offers, about the flat. Hogsmeade would be ideal."

Trying to casually dissuade her, "you live above a joke shop?" George scoffed.

"What do think living in Gryffindor Tower was like?" She laughed.

"Fair point. Hermione, situated so close to," George began.

"I see. Yes, well thanks George. I'll see you around." Hermione concluded, giving him a quick hug and ducking out of the shop.

She cried all the way from Weasley's Wizard Wheezes to the Leaky Cauldron.


	48. Chapter 48 Leaky Cauldron

-=JKR is the master-mind behind the characters, I set the stage."

**Cheap Thrills**

**Leaky Cauldron**

She fell face down in bed. The was a knock at the door. _Must be George._ Angry and upset she yelled as she opened the door. "I love him, damn it...oh, uhm." Lips frozen in numb tension.

"Sorry Hermione. Bad timing." Snape looked sheepish. Embarrassed he turned to go.

"Severus, come back." Hermione was weak with emotional fatigue. Wiping her eyes. When Snape didn't turn back she charged down the lopsided hall. She took a stout hold on his arm, dragging back to her room. This was a delicate matter and she didn't want to screw it up. "You," she pointed a finger at him, "sit."

Nearly as soon as he had sat, he raised to go. "Look Hermione, I understand. I do."

Emotionally over-wrought, embarrassed and thoroughly pissed off. "Sit your narrow bum down, I'm not done with you." She pointed her wand at Snape, "don't make me use this." Her shoulders slumped, touching him on the arm. Hermione kissed Snape's lips briefly. "I need a minute to collect myself, I'm going down for tea. If you've gone when I get back, I will never forgive you Severus."

"Hermione," he sounded so understanding. "You love him," there was no tone of accusation.

"You're not going to let me go down are you?" He didn't lift a finger to lie. She advanced by steps. Placing a soft hand on his shoulder peering at him intently. "Yes, Severus I love him. Nothing to be done about it I'm afraid." Severus looked pained, but masked it well. "You weren't the one I thought was at my door, you know? I'm afraid the cat's out of the bag, as it were." She sat it front of him, she clenched his thighs. "Severus, it's you."

"I suspected as much," Severus hoped the humiliation would be over soon.

"I love you. I don't expect you to feel," Severus stood up knocking his chair over.

"This isn't a game Ms. Granger. Don't play with me." Severus nearly shouted.

"Play?" Severus made another step toward the door. As soon as he turned to face her, Hermione put him a full body bind, elevating his body so he didn't hit the floor. She walked over to him, withdrew his wand from his sleeve, setting it respectfully on the table. "I'm sorry I have to do this, but you're giving me no other option. I have no intention of abusing you." Hermione guided his hovering form over to the bed, lowering him onto its comfort. "Do you need your wand for Legilimency?"

He couldn't move a fraction, but she sensed the answer was 'no'. "I hope you won't be uncomfortable," she climbed onto the bed straddling him. "This shouldn't take long and I'll release you. Calm yourself, I can tell you're angry." Pulling her hair into a sloppy ponytail, she looked unflinchingly into his eyes. "Now penetrate my mind." Reflexively she closed her eyes, releasing a snorting laugh. "Don't roll your eyes at me. Ok, go ahead." Relaxing her face, focused on Severus. She could feel his subterranean exasperation, and was unable to stifle her laughter. "This isn't going to work, I can't keep a straight face. Suppose you could take this as pay-backs for the Levicorpus." She kissed his cadaverous lips, stretching out over her rigid devil. Hermione ran her fingers through his hair, "I love you Severus. I know you probably want to kill me all the same, but I thought you should know."

Hermione rolled off to the side, and released him from the spell. "I wasn't expecting you, I'm glad you came, you're staying with me tonight."

Snape touched her cheek. "You'll probably change your mind about me."

"You might change your mind about me," Hermione kissed him and straddled his waist. She undressed him lazily, while divesting herself quickly. Hermione delighted in watching him squirm under her.

"Nice view from up here. I could get used to this. You will be my prisoner of war and I, your captor. You will submit to me," she vanished his clothes. "Oh caramels," Snape looked surprised for the moment it her to suck his pert nipple between his lips. She rolled the other around with a fingertip.

"Mmm. Wouldn't want to make the other jealous." Hermione repeated her attentions to the other. Kissing him with vigour, "let's see what other treats you brought with you." Grinning evilly at Snape.

"Ah, yes. This looks promising." Wrapping her hand around his fleshy arousal. Resting on an elbow, she lay her head against his inner thigh. As soon as she settled in to sample his sex machine, he protested. His words fell on deaf ears. Hermione was in full-sensory submersion. His exotic musk clouded her mental processes. The sounds of pleasure he made penetrated her mind, nearly making her giddy.

Snape pulled her to him. He reached out to touch her, she slapped his hand away, "you're my captive." leaning forward she licked his lips. Easing him inside her, she sat back. Moving slowly at first, concluding that she had a good deal of control from this vantage point. Snape arched his back, insinuating himself deeper. Fingers traced delicate paths across his chest. Eyes closed, they were reduced to tactile bliss. His breath sped up. It left him with a burst of pleasure. Hermione wasn't willing to leave off so soon. Slowly keeping herself firmly planted, grinding into his desire. When she felt his answering swelling, bent forward low over him working his flesh to her best advantage.

Severus noticed her rhythm become jerky he knew she was close, Severus placed two slightly spread fingers flat against his pelvis to aid her stimulation. Collapsing on him slicked in sweat, she lay still while her muscular walls convulsed. Breathing in great puffs, Hermione resembled a dragon.

They fell asleep exhausted emotionally and physically.


	49. Chapter 49 Apologies

-=JKR made great characters, I love manipulating them.=-

**Cheap Thrills**

**Apologies**

Dressed casually, they stumbled downstairs for breakfast. Tom approached the table they selected. The Innkeeper openly scowled at Severus. Hermione offended at such rudeness, "Tom, I'm really surprised at you. Everyone knows Severus, was on our side." She gripped Severus' protectively.

"Severus? Is it?" Tom mumbled.

Her glare was unmistakeable.

Not wishing to disoblige Hermione. "As the lady wishes. Would you like the house special, or something else?"

"Pot of tea, and toast." She didn't think Severus was going to answer, "double that, can I have honey with that please." Tom jerked his head and retreated to the kitchen.

"Severus," looked as though he was in a full-body bind. Except his eyes, which maintained a flat look. She brushed her lips up the curve of his ear, whispering his name. "Please, look at me. Please?"

He wasn't as rigid as a tombstone, when Tom's auxiliary dropped off the tray. Hermione dove in quickly to equip them both with tea. "Sugar? Honey? Cream? Lemon?" She tried with unabashed sincerity to return this uncomfortable silence to something less hostile.

Severus turned a familiar look on her, one that clearly asked, 'are you really that simple.' "Hermione, that man thinks I'm lecherous bastard for taking advantage of you. And the worst part is; I feel like one."

"Severus? Can we just please eat, I'm very hungry. I don't want to get sick as soon as I walk into the Apothecary. That place smells like, a vat of fermented, fungus-of-a-dead-cat."

Trying to shake off his bad humour. "Stop, you're making me hungry." Sarcasm firmly reattached, they ate and drank in silence.

Hermione was not in a pleasant mood as they strolled to the Wizarding Instruments Shop, before going to the Apothecary. Severus wouldn't hold her hand and refused to let her take his arm. Severus got the impression, he was the number one attraction at a freak side-show.

Furious at Tom's nonsense earlier, she'd said she was going to have a short word with Tom. This only served to make Severus more defensive and agitated. An afternoon shopper turned to see who the silent pair was behind him, and his little boy. Recognizing Snape, the stranger's expression hardened. Picking up the toddler, he muttered 'deviant,' walking on.

Hermione privately wondered if the little boy's presence, saved the stranger from being savagely hexed. Given the anger rolling off him in great breakers, she was sure he was capable of that and more. Hermione places a gentle hand on his bicep. He jerked his arm away from her, giving her a dirty look. "Hermione, I know what I am better than you. I'm not worthy, nor in want for your compassion."

Snape's swift movements had attracted some attention. A wizard grabbed the shoulder opposite Hermione. Pointing his wand in Snape's face, "leave the lady alone Snape. Girl, run a long, he won't hurt you."

Hermione had it with bull-headed wizards. "Girl?" She roared. Walked up to him and slapped him, "get your hands off him." Pointing her wand at his chest. She grabbed Severus' sleeve pulling him along. She huffed and puffed along as the wizard hurled insults at Severus. Not rousing Severus, he started taking pot-shots at Hermione.

If Hermione hadn't known better, she'd have guessed that a Dementor was nearby for the chill that descended on them.

Snape shook Hermione off. "Keep out of this Hermione, I'm warning you." His gate was deadly as he approached the red-faced wizard. Severus straightened his sleeves, ignoring Hermione's pleas. "I have some wand-less magic I'd like to demonstrate for you." The wizard only had a moment to look puzzled, when Severus hauled off and clocked the man. "You owe Ms. Granger an apology." He spat blood on Snape's boot. "Oh, you must have missed the first demonstration. How about we try a different teaching method?" Snape took the man's shoulder's, bringing the bloody man back down, kneeing him in the face. "Apologize!" Once Snape heard the barely coherent apology, he let the man go. "Good day to you sir."

Scourgifying himself as he walked back to Hermione. He felt good about the confrontation, relieving some his pent up anger. Smirking at himself, _and I didn't even have to kill him. Muggles got one thing right, fisticuffs are very satisfying._

Hermione caught the smirk, "pleased with yourself are you? He's a bloody mess."

Peeked, Severus turned on Hermione. "He insulted you, he deserved everything he got. He won't mess with you again, or he'll get more of the same."

Slouching her hand on one hip, the other pressed to the back of her head, "was that really necessary?"

All business Severus peered at Hermione. "To my mind, yes. If you ask me, he got off easy."

Sarcastically Hermione clarified, "so anyone who tries to insult me, you'll make mince out of them?"

Considering Hermione's words carefully, "why, yes." He was gratified she had understood so quickly. "You shouldn't trouble yourself with that kind of scum."

"There's always going to be someone who tries to take the Mickey out of me." She added for emphasis, "I'm used to it."

"You needn't ever be subject to that kind of nonsense. I'll be willing to teach anyone an object lesson in manners, if need be." Snape appeared to have mastered his anger.

Hermione knew she wasn't going to win this fight, so stayed silent. She wanted to reason that Severus was only being protective, but couldn't.

Snape took in Hermione's silence. "You're angry at me."

"I shouldn't think you would need a seer for that insight." Balefully foreseeing the near-future.

"Sarcasm doesn't accentuate your beauty. I, on the other hand have no such worries." The stopped in front of the Magical Menagerie, a noisy place, they wouldn't be easily overheard. Severus held his arms, to keep from reaching out to Hermione. _Public displays of depravity, wouldn't be prudent. _

His crossed arms, put Hermione off. "The caveman act doesn't really work for me, and barking at me, isn't really on the top of my list either. You don't even want me to touch you in public. Do you have any idea how that feels?"

Hermione gave up her shopping trip for the day. She had three days left in her holiday, affording her plenty of time. Trudging up the lane until she reached the Leaky Cauldron. By the rubbish bins she transfigured her robes into a slouchy cable-knit jumper and dark straight-legged cords. Hermione rested her head against the cool brick. Severus wrapped an arm around her waist. "Severus what will people say?" Her loaded question hit its target. He flinched at her damning question.

"You care?" Hermione lashed out. "You, the Great Potions Master, imperturbable Severus Snape care what everyone else thinks? I can't believe it. This is too much for me right now. I'll see you later." Walking out into Muggle London.

Snape Apparated to Hogsmeade.


	50. Chapter 50 Come Brandy, Come

**-=Thank you Jo, for kindly permitting us to play with your toys.=-**

**Cheap Thrills**

**Come Brandy, Come**

*****

Snape Apparated to Hogsmeade.

Her words hit home, leaving him feeling very wrong-footed. She wasn't afraid of public opinion, but he was. Very much to the detriment of whatever it was, they had.

Snape walked into the Hog's Head, "Aberforth, reasoned discourse is not in my plan today. Please bring me a large XO with tapas." The goat enthusiast pulled a face. "Yes, I know it's early. As it happens my day is already in the can."

Sliding the snifter onto the table, then carefully sets the tapas on the rim of the glass. "It's goat cheese on toast, today."

Snape laughed, "it's always goat cheese, on toast."

"Good goats, make good cheese, it's only natural." Aberforth shrugged and returned to the bar.

Snape gobbled his tapas up in three quick bites. _Nice sour tang. _Inhaling the deep aroma of the brandy, then hastily downed it. "Keep it flowing Aberforth, tapas too." Returning to his previous thought. _What did they have anyway? After Hermione had slipped;_ that was the only way he could look at it,_ she never said what she wanted from him. Not a single perimeter, or guideline. _

_Certainly, she must have some expectations of him._ He figured he had done the right thing earlier. _No, I'm not a sensitive guy. I do as I see fit. She knows that, surely._

Round Two. The role of fledgling did not suit him. Not without irony; in role of suitor, it fit him perfectly. For the life of him, he couldn't decide if discussing it would have made matters better, or worse? _Thus far, everything had been very visceral._ _Something would need to be said. He groaned just thinking how to head off her tirade._

Round Three. "Aberforth, you should give your goats a pay rise, excellent cheese." Pounding his brandy, _wish I had someone to pound on. I'd like kick that arsehole in the teeth. See if he ever opens his mouth again._ Severus smiled crookedly.

Aberforth set down the forth brandy, "what got you Snape? You look like you gutted someone and fed them their intestines." _There's always tomorrow, I'll need to make sure Hermione wasn't there._

"You know Aberforth, that's an excellent idea. I'll have to put that on my 'To Do List.'"

"Right. I got some things to do, so drink this one slower, alright." Severus waved him off.

Round Four. Crumbs from the toast floated briefly, swelled, then sank. _Caveman? Suppose she wants a dunderhead like Potter or Weasley? I'm not that. Oh, bugger. What if she wants some weakling, who'd just do as he's told?_ "I can't do that." Aberforth looked in Snape's direction curiously. "Nothing old man. But tell me something, if someone says, 'I'll see you later.' What do you think that means?"

"Spose, it means they'll see you later." Aberforth gave Snape a side-long look.

"Good point." Snape sighed into the cavernous opening of the snifter. Carefully Snape raised the glass and swirled its contents, observing how the alcohol clung to the inside of the glass. _What am I going to do, she's mad at me. I scarcely did anything wrong. Hermione should be pleased enough that I care enough to defend her._ "I was a hypocrite."

"Here eat this," The barkeep set down a plate of food, Severus couldn't figure out what he'd been given. "Wilted spinach, peas, and Mince Loaf."

"A lot of green." Snape observed.

"Slytherin colours, eat up." He tested the wilted spinach. _Decent, just the right amount of rasher grease, though a little salty. _Snape finished the plate quickly.

~*~

Snape stood in the stall ready to relieve himself, staring at his prick resting in his palm. Memories of the previous night flooded back to him. _Her mouth, her smiling mouth_. He pushed past his body's disinclination to urinate with an erection, it was painful but he managed.

Looking into the mirror, deadpan. _I hope she doesn't turn me away tonight._

Round Five. "No more tapas, I'm good. Thanks." Palming the glass, ready to drink, he caught his distorted reflection on its smooth surface. _What in Slytherin's small clothes does she want me for? She did want him, at least he was fairly sure of it. Would she still? More importantly, would she tonight. She was unusually patient with males, more so than any female he'd known. Maybe that counts for something._

Round Six. "Abnerdoerf, where's the floo?"

Aberforth gave him a flat look. "Next to you."

Snape looked over surprised, as though the huge fireplace had snuck up on him. "Thanks." He bumped the table getting to the floo. Tossing in the floo powder, "Leaky Cauldron, room six...Hermineme?" he adjusted his position on the dirt floor. "Good, I don't think I can fly. I'm at the Hog's Head, here...ok then."

Trying to get up, Snape only succeeded in falling backward. Aberforth shook his head. Hermione stepped out of the fireplace, dusted herself off. "Good evening Mr. Dumbledore. Has he been good?"

"Hermione, call me Aberforth. That mister-stuff was never my thing. As for Snape here? Gibbered at himself, mostly. He's fed, though he's had nothing to drink 'cept brandy. Two bottles Snape, cough up. 6 Galleons, 8 Sickles."

Hermione extended a hand to Snape, helping him off the floor. Snape extracted his money bag, couldn't get the purse strings open. "Hermione, you do it." She helped lower him into a chair, and accepted the bag.

Resigned she walked over to Aberforth. "Here you go, and here, for your trouble." She handed another Galleon to him.

"No trouble Hermione, Snape's a good fellow. Never gives me grief. Why'd Snape call you, though? I don't understand it a bit."

Hermione sighed, "Aberforth, it's a long story to be sure. Suffice it to say, we've been spending some time together. Not really sure what 'it' is myself. He thrashed some wizard in the middle of Diagon Alley, cause he was rude to me. Like that was a big deal."

Aberforth studied Hermione for a moment before speaking. "He hasn't said much today, I could tell something was up. I wager Snape's old fashioned in a way. I don't fancy you're a fool or anything, but he'll never really be tame. Bit like a billy goat, they'll gore you, if ya don't respect 'em for what they are; stubborn, territorial, and very nearly reek of feral hormones. But it's like I say, you got a good head on ya. So I'm sure you know what you're doing."

"Thanks I really appreciate it, you're very kind. I need to get him to the Castle, I don't think taking him back to the Leaky Cauldron would be the best idea I could come up with. It's nice to see you again, Aberforth. If it's ok I'd like to get the DA together here for a little end of year tie-on."

"Sure, sure. You lot are good for business." Aberforth come around the counter gave her a hug. They had been through so much since the night of the war. "You take care okay."

"Hey, Adendorf, she's mine. Don't make me hex you." Snape hollered blurrily from across the room.

"Thanks, Aberforth. Be seeing you." Hermione let him go. "Severus Snape you need to shut it, you're drunk. I'm taking you back to the Castle. If you don't behave, I'll take you to Poppy. I imagine she'll put you in your place." He looked affronted, she brushed his hair back. "Can you walk, or shall Mobilicorpus you back to the Castle?"

Lids at half-mast, Slowly, but indignantly his words came out. "I can walk."


	51. Chapter 51 Scary Revelations & Social

-=I don't own harry potter, etc. etc.=-

AN/ I was in a strange mood when writing this chapter. Please excuse me, if you find it strange.

**Cheap Thrills**

**Scary Revelations and Social Grooming**

*****

"Say the password, I'm not listening."

Severus' head bobbed forward nearly hitting his head on the portrait. "Tickle torture," he whispered loudly.

"Tickle torture! What kind of password is that?" _Greatest fear, probably._

"Thought you weren't listening." Severus gave her a death-glare. It would be have been more frightening, had Severus been capable of supporting himself.

"Remedy?" He pointed to his bedroom.

Sitting on his bed Snape summoned the phials, with a well-practised motion. When Hermione saw the cabinet open that contained the phials, she took a closer look. "Bloody hell, Severus. Every single one of these is hangover remedy. There must be vat of it here. You don't really need this much do you?"

"It'll last...I dunno, six months." She stripped Snape, then pulled the covers over him.

"Hold still, I'm going to brush your teeth."

"I'm not an invalid." Snape objected.

"I didn't say you were, think of it as social grooming. My parents are dentists for crying out loud. I can clean teeth with the best." She put the toothpaste on his toothbrush.

"You're not putting enough on." Protesting weakly.

"Toothpaste manufactures, put enough toothpaste on the brush in their adverts, to thoroughly brush your teeth twice. It's a marketing scheme."

"But..." Snape still objected.

"Say ah." Starting at the back she brushed her way to the front. Snape gargled something incoherently. "You spit when we're done. Now I'm going to the inside, top and bottom. Shame electric toothbrushes don't work here. Now you can spit, we're almost done," holding out a cup for him. "Now I'm going to brush your tongue and roof of your mouth. Ahhh." Handing over a drink of water. She pulled out a long thick string.

_That was strangely intimate. _"You're not strangling me, I won't allow it." Hermione wound the dental floss around her index fingers.

"You're right I'm not. Open wide, I'm going to floss your teeth."

_How is it, that she's practically got both hands in my mouth? Is it really that big?_ He thought with horror. She shimmied, tugged, and rewound the floss. "You're suppose to floss every day."

"Must be a conspiracy trumped up by dentists. Nonsense. What's that smell?"

"That is from the detritus from between your teeth, it's the premise for the dentists' conspiracy."

"That's awful." Snape grimaced. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, quite. If you need my help, just ask. I'm going to leave the floss in the loo." Snape swished the water around his mouth, and spit.

"I feel like I need to brush my teeth again." Snape worried, tongue sliding across his slick teeth.

"You probably do. Normally you want to floss first, but you had vegetation between your teeth, figured we'd get that first." She kissed him on the forehead, "good night Severus." Hermione walked to the door, turned out the light.

"You're not staying?" His words were laced with disappointment.

"No, Severus. I'm returning to my room at the Leaky Cauldron. There are some things still left on my 'to do list.' When I'm finished I'll be back. Good night, don't let the bedbugs bite."

"Night, then." Sullenly his words reached her from the darkened room.


	52. Chapter 52 Too Good To Be True

-=The Harry Potter characters aren't mine, only the sick plot.=-

**Cheap Thrills**

**Too Good To Be True**

**~*~**

-=A new sign was pinned on every House Notice Board=-

**Fund-raiser For St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries**

**War Orphans' Fund**

**Tickets will be sold through Professors, Sprout, Flitwick, Headmistress McGonagall, and Hermione Granger.**

**THE PRIZE**

**To shave Hermione Granger BALD, in front of the entire school, the day after N.E.W.T.s.**

**Two tickets for a Galleon**

**~!~**

"Wow, they're going to sell tons of tickets. A bargain at twice the price." Lavender commented to Parvati.

"Yeah it's almost too good to be true," Parvati agreed.


	53. Chapter 53 End of NEWTs

**-=JKR, is the shit. (That's a complement)=-**

**Cheap Thrills**

**End of N.E.W.T.s**

**~!~**

"No. They're over, all over. I'm not talking about N.E.W.T.s, are you Ron?"

"You're on your own Hermione," Ron agreed with Harry.

"Fine, catch up to you two later." Hermione declared.

"See you," they chimed.

* * *

"Tickle Torture." The portrait opened.

"N.E.W.T.s over?" Snape kissed her briefly. "Make yourself comfortable." Hermione took an armchair over the sofa. Things had been tense since Easter break. "What next?" Snape probed cautiously.

"Tomorrow I get sheared," Hermione smiled at Snape's displeasure.

"I'm appalled that you're actually going through with it." Snape brought his fist down on the mantle.

_Oh no, another round of chest thumping. _"Everyone takes issue with my hair, you included. It seemed like the perfect selling point." Severus' face went hard. "And you are not going to exact revenge on the one who wins. This is supposed to be fun, it's for a good cause."

"Fun? You're kidding." Snorting, "Gryffindors." Snape chose to regroup, "I'm not pleased." Snape scowled, then poured two fire whiskys. "Any plans for after the Graduation ceremony and the Ball?" Snape handed her the glass.

Sipping her whisky. "I've been accepted into the Spell Damage Rehabilitation training program." Hermione glowed with pride.

"Impressive." Snape offered. "And the ball?"

"I've got something to do." Hermione didn't want to tell Snape she scheduled the appointment, deliberately during the Ball.

"I thought ladies like dances." Severus stood sentry by the fireplace, feeling particularly chaffed.

"I love dances. This one wouldn't be much fun for me. The caretaker of the house I wish to rent, is meeting me. If I like the house, I'll be ready to sign on the dotted line." Hermione rushed to the end of her excuse and still didn't win.

Snape was insulted. "Don't be stupid, move in with me. Then you can go to the ball. Everyone's happy. And anyway; why wouldn't the ball be enjoyable?"

"Who would I dance with PROFESSOR? My gay best friend, Ron will up be 'stuck up Pansy's ass,' Severus, that was meant figuratively not literally. Of course there's also, Draco Grab-ass Malfoy. They are fine friends, but they don't 'float my boat.'" Resuming her business-like manner. "As it stands, I need my own place..." Hermione sensed the conversation deteriorating, swigging the remaining fire whisky, remained stoic.

"Why? I have enough room, for six of you." Snape stubbornly countered.

"Drop it Severus." Hermione levelled her gaze at him.

Snape faced the bookcases, seething. "Are you coming back after your appointment? At least that would be something."

_Wanting to mark your territory, Severus? _Trying to lighten the mood, "perhaps. On a happier note, I have a surprise for you. I'm going to kidnap you, the weekend after graduation. Kinky, ain't it."

_She just said the magic word. Kinky._ "You are the limit, Hermione. I have a better idea, let's celebrate tonight, right after dinner."

"Are you forgetting rounds? With the Graduating Class, Common room parties, and the usual; I'll be as busy as, a toothless prostitute giving sickle blow-jobs." Hermione laughed at her own silliness. "I've got it! We can patrol together, hold hands, sneak into a nook for the odd bit of snogging." Hermione crossed her fingers.

Severus responded flatly. "Maintaining a respectful distance in public is necessary." The fear engulfed him. "You don't understand."

Hermione stood. "You're right, I don't. Propriety is one thing, but what you're doing is tantamount to shame. Shame and fear, and you want to know something else, I don't want to be, your dirty little secret." Each word filled with hurt pride. Hermione bounded to the door, and left.

The slamming door jarred Severus.


	54. Chapter 54 Cutting Twist

-=JKR, is restricted to cannon- I'm not.=-

**AN/ Thank you for the votes. I think this will please you all. Drum roll please.**

**Cheap Thrills**

**Cutting Twist**

"Attention everyone, Ms. Granger has a few words for you all before we begin."

"Thank you, Headmistress. Thank you everyone. This fund raiser was more successful than I ever expected. We have Mr. Ace Sande from St. Mungos, please stand sir." He received a brief applause. "We raised 5016 Golden Galleons, give yourself a hearty applause." Hermione joined the storm of applause. "Are you ready!" Shouts and calls confirmed. "Mr. Sande, if you would be so kind." Mr. Sande approached the hopper, and withdrew a ticket, looked startled. Hermione accepted the ticket, looked even more startled. "Would you please come to the podium Professor Snape." There were confused shouts amidst the raucous cawing of the Slytherin table.

Snape took his place at the Hermione's side. She stepped aside, so Severus could speak. "Settle down, there's a small change of plans." Snape walked over to Mr. Sande. "Keep pulling until you get someone else's name."

"What are you doing Professor?" Hermione's expression betrayed her bewilderment.

Snape's mouth quirked, "change in plans. Thank You Mr. Sande." Taking the slip he read. "Lavender Brown, come up."

Lavender jogged up to the front, as confused as everyone else. "Hermione what's going on?" Stage whispering.

Snape spoke into the microphone. "Ms. Brown it's your lucky day. As I've decided Ms. Granger was not a suitable candidate for this, I'm standing in for her." Thunderous calls echoed in the hall.

As Snape took a seat on the stool. The Hall erupted. For her own part Lavender looked as scared as she was excited. This was a once in a lifetime opportunity.

Hermione walked down to where Snape sat. She stood before Snape. "You shouldn't do this, I should be sitting there."

"Hermione, do me favour. Run your fingers through my hair. I'm going to miss that." Severus seemed a little wan.

Feeling unaccountably nervous, "are you sure, there are like three hundred people watching?"

His lips were pressed tightly, but he nodded. Hermione's eyes overflowed with tears. Splayed fingers made several passes through his hair, "Severus, this..."

"Hermione, hush. You can tell me later. We need to get on with the show." Giving Snape a tearful nod, Hermione whispered into Lavender's ear, then Hermione stood nearby.

Without a word of warning Lavender stepped up to take the scissors. "Everyone give Professor Snape a round of applause." Lavender opened and closed the scissors theatrically. "Yeah, Professor Snape. Whoo Whoo!" Lavender cheered with the others.

Lavender bent down, "Professor, do you mind if I also use my wand, as well?"

"That's fine, make sure it's even." Snape acquiesced.

Sticking the shears in her robes, she carefully pulled all of the Professor's hair into a ponytail. The school watched on with unbelieving fascination. _Merlin, help me._ Binding the hair magically, Lavender figured the Potions Master may want it as a souvenir. Lavender cut doggedly through the mass of hair. Lavender never would have guessed Snape's hair was so thick. Freeing the last bit of the ponytail, Lavender waved the hair in the air, whooping. Jumping up and down. The noise was deafening. More dignified, the teachers clapped and cheered.

Snape's face was red as dragon's blood. Hermione reached out for the hank of hair. She cradled it tenderly, facing Snape, her eyes red and puffy.

Lavender continued, trimming the length, and shaving the sides. Severus felt Lavender tap his head with her wand seven times. _Merlin, what is she doing now?_ Hermione hid her face in her robes. The noise was so loud, Snape couldn't discern any of it. His head felt naked, but he wasn't ready to touch it. Snape certainly didn't want to look at it, but Lavender thrust a mirror into his hands. Snape enlarged the mirror, his colour paled at what he was seeing. _Lavender Brown, gave him liberty spikes. Gryffindors. _

Lavender was grinning and clapping. Lavender skipped over to the podium, to address the school. "Uh, I'd like to thank Professor Snape for being an excellent sport. Everyone give it up for, Professor Snape." She shouted unnecessarily into the microphone.

Hermione butted in. "And give yourselves a hand, for your support." Mr. Sande, shook Severus', Lavender's and Hermione's hands. "Thanks so Much."

"Ms. Granger we are grateful, I look forward to seeing you around St. Mungos." Mr. Sande departed genially.

The Headmistress took the podium, "Thank you everyone, you are dismissed."

In a show of defiant bravado, Severus held his arm out for Hermione to take. She laughed happily, allowing him to escort her out.


	55. Chapter 55 Something in the Waffle

-=I do not have a team of lawyers, so you know for a fact I'm not trying to make money off this.=-

**Cheap Thrills**

**Something in the Waffle**

* * *

"Before I begin, I would like to salute; the Staff, Students, The Order of the Phoenix, and all of the other Extraordinary Citizens, for your war effort. You shine as the beacon of our humanity and love.

In this time of rebuilding, we must make it our civil duty to see to those who need our help. The end of the war is not the time to complacently slip back into our ways of life. We came to together to fight, we encouraged and supported one another. And through it all, we loved.

There were great losses on both sides of the divide, many children lost parents, and siblings. It is a terrible deficit in a child's life to experience such a loss. Regardless of the child's parentage or politics, every one of them are worthy of our love and compassion. We have a brilliant opportunity to reach out into the world, and gather these lost children and give them our love.

Please let's honour those who have fallen, with a moment of silence.

Thank You.

I would like to share my gratitude with you.

To the Previous Headmaster Albus Dumbledore, a man who gave me a great appreciation for Peppermint Humbugs and children's stories.

To the Headmistress Minerva McGonagall you have been a guiding light, a helping hand and singularly instrumental in my success.

To my other Professors, you satisfied my growing curiosity, and thirst for knowledge and understanding.

To my two best friends; Harry and Ron, I look forward to bossing you around for the foreseeable future.

To my friends, you will always be my family. Yes even you Draco.

To everyone who called me a Bossy-Know-It-All, I will miss your teasing.

To all those; who work behind the scenes. Ensuring my comfort, well-being, and preparing me for life. It is you who deserve the highest praise of all. You worked tirelessly, and selflessly. Through every turn of life you were the rock on which I stood, and clung to unknowingly in the tempest. I would be lost without you.

To conclude; Our ability to succeed, is only truly limited, by our imagination and resolve. The future is ours to shape.

Thank You.

"What do you think? Be honest." Hermione implored.

"A tad short, though I like the bit about those working behind the scenes. What do you think Violent, dear?" The Fat Lady inquired.

"'S a'lright. I liked that bit too. We portraits fulfil all sorts of duties, we're right civil minded, we are."

"I'm going to miss giving you the password, fifty times a day. I don't know why I never asked before, but what is your name?"

"Thank you dear. My name," pressing her hand to her bosom, "is Roselle, you may call me Rose." She curtsied slightly.

Hermione returned the curtsy. "Is that why you always wear pink?"

"Yes, dear. You'd better run along or you'll be late." Hermione came to her senses. Picking up her robes she trotted down from Gryffindor Tower.

"Faire Lady, you are the image of an angel. I will act as your royal guard on this perilous journey. On Faire Lady, I shall deliver you to the Great Hall. Neigh, neigh I shall deliver you to Avalon whence you came." Sir Cadogan called after the swift Hermione. "Faire Lady!"

Hermione threw her leg over the last section of banister, laughing as she slid all the way down.

~FIN ~

AN/ For those interested, there is an epilogue. Thank you for joining me for my Cheap Thrills.


	56. Epilogue

-=I don't own Harry Potter. If I did, I'd go OOC once in a while just to mix things up.=-

**Cheap Thrills**

**Epilogue**

Trying to extricate herself. "Severus I'm sorry, I have to go. My carriage is turning into a pumpkin. I'll see you later." Waving briefly, at a confused Snape. _Pumpkin?_

She transfigured her clothes as took off down the lawn to the Apparition point.

Breath hitching, as her heart slowed. _I hate Apparating, wish I could have flooed._

Looking at the address, this has to be it. It's giagnormous. "There must be a mistake with the advert. It's only polite to go in and apologize. I don't want take up any more of the caretaker's time." Following the sloping juniper berry lined path to the steps of the manse. The knocker announced her automatically.

Hermione stepped up to shake hands with the elf, who greeted her. The elf was wearing clothes, well-made clothes by the look of them. "Hermione Granger, pleased to meet you. I have an appointment with one Mr. Hensley." She smiled.

The elf bowed deeply. "Ms. Granger come inside, wouldn't want a bat to swoop down on you. Beginning of June they're at their worst. Sorry, I'm rattling like an old tea kettle. My name is Mr. Hensley, I am the caretaker." Hermione took his hand shaking it again.

"I'm afraid I must have read the advert wrong, Mr. Hensley. The advert I saw said, 'Large house situated on a berm, owner rarely used.'" Hermione tried not to look too pathetic.

"No Ms. Granger, that was the description I submitted." He looked around the foyer with pleasure. "Fine old house, the owner doesn't spend enough time here."

Pulling the ad from her pocket, she handed it to Mr. Hensley. "So, it wasn't a misprint?" Afraid to inquire directly about rent money.

"My dear, no. Would you like a cuppa?" He looked hopeful.

"Thank you, no. My stomach is still displeased with me. Mr. Hensley, what you can tell me about this house." Mr. Hensley led her over to a sofa.

"The house of course has many bedrooms most have a bath. Though it's too dark to see properly now, the house has a beautiful garden that wraps around the back from one side to another. The kitchen is large and well stocked. Unless you want to cook something for yourself, we have a kitchen staff. We have a library, that is open for your use. The staff are often reading and conversing at the library table. Whichever room you choose can be outfitted to your tastes. Past the garden is a field, and beyond that a nice woods. Very nice for a stroll." The elf was in full flow.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but it sounds like you've already decided that I am the right tenant. Mr. Hensley, you hardly know me."

"Ms. Granger I know more than enough. When I greeted you at the door, you didn't hesitate to shake my hand and introduce yourself. Furthermore, you have been courtesy itself. Ms. Granger, I can tell you are a kind person. What other type of person, would you suppose the master of the house would want?"

"I see, you're point." Still Hermione never met a house elf so naturally relaxed and self-possessed. "What of your employer? Is there anything you can tell me?"

They were interrupted, the front door opened.

"Ah, Sir, welcome home." Hermione froze.

"Severus?" She turned chalk white. "No, it can't be."

"Thank you Mr. Hensley, I'll take over from here." The elf excused himself.

Severus grinned. "Ms. Granger, didn't think you'd get away that easily did you?"

"But how?" Hermione said stupidly. The feat too grand to encompass.

"Sheer luck," Severus took off his coat and hung it under the stairs. "I meant to rent it out, before I found out you were looking. As it happens, there were no takers. My name is mud with polite society, and not-so-polite society. Probably the only one in this whole wide world who is immune to such nonsense, is you. I have a great deal of experience with public opinion, very little of it has been positive. Not wanting to expose you to that, I kept you at an arm's distance. Admittedly I was wrong, I am properly ashamed of it. You are a lioness Ms. Granger, and clearly made of sterner stuff. This by the way, is Prince Manner."

Hermione interrupted. "Mr. Hensley, has been very attentive to me. He is a very unique fellow."

"Mr. Hensley was introduced to me by Albus, he is a free-elf. He did not accept clothes willingly, but he and I have something of an agreement." Snape looked shifty.

"Yes? Do tell." Hermione's interest was at boiling point.

"I don't permit my staff to wear tea towels, napkins, pillowslips, or flour-sacks. I require they dress in something practical, and suitable for the weather. Nothing like sweeping the fire grate in the winter with you ass hanging out, and Hermione I mean that literally." Severus frowned from the remembrance. "The pursuit of personal development and fulfilment is of the greatest importance to me. They are required to take leisure-time to engage in any worthwhile activity, that does not include upkeep on the house or inhabitants. I'm sure you are also wondering about the use of titles. The staff here are all Misters, or Misses, I likewise am Mister to them, not Master. I am only Master of Potions. That is my dominion. Did I miss anything?" Snape looked tired.

"Mr. Hensley has an excellent manner, and his speech is unlike other elves I've met." Hermione was fascinated.

"I dare say they get it from reading. Almost all house elves are literate, though few do it for recreation. Since as I'm sure Mr. Hensley mentioned, they have plenty of time since I'm not here much." Taking her hand, "Hermione, I've gone to great lengths to make this a home I can be proud of. Stay here, share this with me. And as I said before, I have room enough for six of you. I meant it. Though the number's more like fourteen." Snape was solemn, "I don't want to beg, but I will. I was hoping you wouldn't emasculate me so soon."

Hermione looked irritated, "what about your, 'ew, girls have cooties,' thing in public?" She hoped in making light of it, that it would hurt less.

"It's going to take me awhile. Understand, that simply walking about with you will be a new and frightening thing for me. As I say, I've have plenty of years where venom was doled out wholesale by the general public. I wouldn't wish that on you." Squeezing her hand. "If it is in my power I would prevent it. When it's not, I can get them to apologize." With the intent of getting the worst over. "I'll never be as passive as your two best friends. You know that, don't you? There will be times, where I teach some of the finer points of minding their own business. That is a fact." She leaned into him tired. "Growing tired of me already?" Severus teased. "Come with me, I suppose I'll give you the sickle tour. Leave your sweater on the sofa and your shoes here as well. Severus removed his shoes.

They wandered from room to room. Hermione looked into the dark room, as candles sprung to life throughout. Severus waved his wand. Music floated out of the Victrola. "I have a dance to make up for." He pulled her into the middle of the room. They danced steadily through four pieces.

Hermione yawned. "I'm sorry, I'm just so tired. It's been a long day." Wrapping her arms around him both for support and comfort.

Snape settled Hermione into a bedroom. It was delicately furnished in light blue and pale gold. Severus started to undress. "I hope you don't mind, but this is my room."

Hermione looked at him, waiting for the punch line.

"It is," Snape raised his nose in the air.

"It's not even green." Hermione grinned.

"Yellow and blue make green. It belonged to a cousin I had a crush on. She used to like brushing my hair. As it happens, I loved it. Satisfied? My deep dark secret is revealed." Severus crawled under the covers.

"How old were you?"

"Eight."

"Good Night Severus."

"Good Night, the future Mrs. Snape."

"That's Presumptuous."

The End...


End file.
